More Heart, Less Attack
by workstudywrite
Summary: Derek's alive; clipping aneurysms, cuddling kids, kissing Meredith, and being a supportive brother. "A couple years ago I almost lost this forever. I would never have met Ellis, never would have coached Zola's soccer games or gone to her ballet recitals, never would have played dinosaurs with Bailey or put together his big boy bed."
1. Hooky

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.**

 **Author's Note:  
Hello Friends! I have about fifteen stories I'm currently in the process of writing hanging out on my computer so here's another little snippet for you! Thank you so much to those who have skimmed, read, and reviewed. I truly appreciate every person who comes across my stories. If you were following my stories from the beginning and have found them again after all this time THANK YOU. Seriously, some of you have been reviewing my stories since the first chapter I posted of the very first one. I appreciate you greatly. Enjoy some MerDer family fluff :)**

 **Read. Hopefully, enjoy. Review, if you feel so inclined ;)**

* * *

"Alright," Meredith muttered happily, pulling Ellie out of her car seat before reaching back into the car to snatch her blanket, "Are you ready to see Dada?"

"Mama," Ellie squealed, babbling and kicking her legs as she hugged her blanket closer.

As Ellie babbled mindlessly to herself, they made their way through the airport parking garage across the street and into the building.

As part of Derek's final contract, he was asked to revisit the lab every six months in order to check in on their progress and give them some insight. He'd been gone for a total of four days this time around and Meredith had started to wonder how she'd done the whole parenting thing alone for all those months he'd spent there a couple years ago.

By the time they made it through the doors and found Derek's gate, her phone buzzed with a message from him. For about ten minutes, the girls sat in the waiting area playing pat-a-cake and peek-a-boo. Just as people started making their way out of the gate, she was getting restless and cranky.

"Look over there," Meredith pointed, standing up and holding her close, "Look for Daddy," she cooed, swaying the tiny blonde back and forth as she started to whimper, "There he is," Meredith told her excitedly bouncing a little as she noticed Derek's thick curls in the crowd, "There's Dada," she uttered, walking closer, "Say, Dada," she urged.

 _He would be **so** happy if you would just call him **anything**. _

When they came up beside him, he was looking at his phone, his brows furrowed as he read an email, "Hey Stranger," Meredith called to him leaning my shoulder against his.

His head snapped up in surprise and a large grin flooded his face, "Hey," he said softly, "What are you doing here?" he questioned, shoving his phone into his pocket and setting down his briefcase, "Hi, baby girl," he cooed as Ellie screeched excitedly and reached toward him.

"Say 'Hi Dada'," Meredith cooed to Ellis as she let Derek pluck her from her arms.

"Daddy missed you so much," Derek told the baby, kissing her cheek a couple times and squeezing her close as she continued to babble before turning his attention to me, "I missed you too," he said, his voice soft and low as he placed a hand on her hip and leaned down to kiss her.

Meredith smiled against his lips, bringing her hand to his shoulder as she kissed him again, "Hmmm, I'm very glad that you're home."

"You didn't have to come," he said, standing up straight and swaying back and forth with Ellie as she yawned and laid her head on his chest.

"I know," Meredith replied honestly, "but I wanted to and there's some… stuff I wanted to talk to you about," she finished.

Derek raised his eyebrows, "Stuff? Are you pregnant again?" he asked.

"God, no," she snorted a laugh, gesturing toward Ellie, "taking care of the three of them alone this week was crazy enough."

Derek chuckled, "I thought Amy and Maggie were going to…"

"They were," she interjected with a sigh, "but Maggie's Mom is at the hospital."

He looked at me quizzically, "I thought Maggie liked her mother."

"She does, but she's not here for a visit," Meredith admitted, crossing her arms lightly, "She has breast cancer. It's pretty bad."

"Oh," Derek sighed, shaking his head as he rubbed Ellie's back.

 _Something about the last name Grey just forces the universe to take its anger out you, doesn't it?_

"Yeah, she's been at the hospital most of the time with her Mom and Amy's been doing Owen 24/7," Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"I did not need to know that," he groaned, resting his chin on Ellie's head and closing his eyes.

"Yeah well the kids didn't either," she snorted, "They saw them on the couch, naked," she told him seriously.

"On our couch?" he asked forcefully, a look of disgust on his face, "Why were they… doing it on our couch?" he continued, grimacing as his brows furrowed.

"That's what I need you to find out," Meredith groaned, "It's too soon to be having the sex talk with our kids."

"Why do I have to talk to her about it?" he questioned defensively.

"You're her brother," she argued.

"You're her sister," Derek argued back, "you're more of a sister to her than any of the other ones combined."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "That doesn't mean I want to talk to her about having sex on our couch."

Derek groaned again, "Fine, we'll talk to her about it together. If I go in there by myself and try to talk to her about it, I'll just say something to make it worse," he admitted, smoothing a hand across Ellie's head as she let out a snore.

"True," She agreed with a shrug, swaying back and forth and smiling sweetly, "Thank you," she said with a smug look on her face.

He smirked in reply and tilted his head, his eyes sparkling.

"Stop it," she hissed.

"Stop what?" he asked with an innocent shrug.

"You know what," Meredith told him, looking over as suitcases began rotating around the belt.

"Well it does say thank you like nothing else," he grinned again, wiggling his eyebrows.

Rolling her eyes again, she looked at him pointedly and snorted a laugh, "You're holding our daughter, that's just wrong."

"She wouldn't be here if it weren't for…"

"Shut up now," she laughed again, moving to grab his bag as it appeared.

"You missed me," he whispered with a wink.

"I did miss you," she conceded with a smile.

Derek freed his hand and reached an arm around her waist, squeezing her close. He released his hold on her waist and she grabbed his hand as they walked out of the airport.

"Are you ok?" Derek asked as Meredith let out a long breath.

Turning her head to look him in the eye, she smiled, "I'm fine, why?"

He adjusted his hold on Ellis, "You seem… not fine," he said suspiciously, squeezing her hand.

Meredith glanced over at him again before looking both ways as they crossed the street to the parking lot, "I just… I don't know how to explain it. I really am fine, like, normal people fine. It's just… I just… you were," she stammered as they stopped in front of their car.

"I was on a plane," he sighed knowingly.

Meredith huffed a breath, "You were on a plane," she repeated softly.

They unlaced their fingers. Meredith threw his suitcase in the trunk. Derek tucked Ellis into her car seat with minimal whimpering.

Meredith shut the trunk as lightly as possible as not to disturb the baby and walked toward Derek. He shut the passenger door and turned to face her.

"I love you," he said, tilting his head and winking as he put his hands on her hips and drew her closer.

Meredith tilted her head, her hair falling in front of her face as she placed her hands on his hips in return, "I love you too," she sighed, looking up at him.

"Come here," Derek whispered, pulling her flush against his chest with a smirk. He rubbed his hands up and down her back, squeezed her, and swayed back and forth a bit before kissing the top of her head.

Meredith sighed, contentedly, "I'm sorry," her voice was muffled against his shirt, "It's been a long time, but..."

"I know," Derek breathed, cradling her head in his hand and dipping his nose to her hair. It didn't smell like lavender anymore. A lot had changed.

"Mmhmm," she hummed, pulling back for a moment, just marginally to look up and into his eyes. Meredith reached up, threading her fingers through the curls at the base of his neck as she leaned closer and kissed him forcefully.

"Mmmm," a deep moan rumbled from Derek's chest, "do you wanna talk about?" he asked, bringing a hand to her face and kissing her again.

"No," Meredith giggled breathlessly, grabbing his face in her hands and kissing him roughly once more before pulling away from him and moving to get into the car.

* * *

"Play hooky with me today," Derek said suddenly as Meredith drove toward the hospital, Ellis asleep in the back.

"What?" her head snapped toward Derek for a moment as she snorted a laugh, "I can't… play hooky with you."

"Come on, Why not?" He asked with a goofy grin, reaching over and rubbing her thigh.

Meredith stuttered, "I… I have patients. You have patients. We have a hospital," she said, semi-frantically as she glanced between Derek and the road.

"Come on," Derek groaned, "we can drop the baby off at daycare and do something. Just the two of us. No kids. No patients. No hospital," he spoke slowly, continuing to stroke her thigh methodically.

"Stop it," Meredith laughed, shoving his hand away, "I know what you're doing," she accused.

Derek smirked happily, "No you don't," he whispered, "that's why you have that look in your eye."

"There's no look," she said defensively.

He nodded with a chuckle, "Oh there's a look."

The car rolled to a stop at a red light and Meredith looked over at him suspiciously, "You're not… dying or something… are you?" she gulped.

"No, I'm not dying," Derek snorted, "Do I have to be dying to spend time with my wife?"

"Well, no, but," she shook her head, shooting him a look.

"But nothing," Derek shrugged, turning toward her slightly, "Come on," he urged her, smirking, "We'll drop the baby off, take off for a few hours and pick all of them up at 5, just like we always do."

"Where would we even go?" she argued, staring at him as they sat stopped at a red light, "in Seattle in the middle of the day?"

"It's Seattle! Tourist central! We could do anything," Derek said, smiling wider as he leaned closer, "Come on," he whispered, "It'll be fun," he leaned over the center console and kissed her.

The car behind them honked when the light turned green and Meredith's head snapped back toward the road as she hit the gas, "This is crazy," she muttered, a smile playing on her lips.

"Was that a yes?" Derek asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

Meredith bit her lip, shook her head, and looked at him, "You promise we'll be able to get the kids on time?"

"I promise," he nodded.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Meredith laughed, turning into the hospital parking lot.

"That's a yes," Derek cheered quietly.

Pulling to a stop in a spot near the entrance, Meredith shook her head again, "That's a yes," she sighed.

Derek chuckled in response, "I'll run her up, you stay right here, don't change your mind," he called to her as he took his seatbelt off and jumped out of the car.

Meredith watched in the rear-view mirror with a smile as he expertly snatched Ellie from her car-seat without waking her and grabbing the diaper bag, blanket, and bunny all in one hand. He winked at her and shut the door quietly before strutting toward the entrance, snuggling their baby.

 _This is my life; this is really my life._

She laughed, shaking her head; after everything they had been through together, it was truly hard to believe.

* * *

"We're on a ferry boat at four o'clock on a Monday," Meredith laughed, "When has that ever happened?"

"It hasn't," Derek chuckled, moving behind her and pulling her back flush against his chest, "It might have to happen again though," he murmured into her hair.

"I think so too," she replied softly, tilting her head to kiss him.

"It's so… quiet, without the kids," Derek said thoughtfully, "It's hard to remember what it was like before them."

"Well," Meredith giggled, "It was cleaner, there were no diapers and **a lot** of sex."

Derek chuckled, swaying her softly, "That's true."

"I really love them," Meredith whispered, "I couldn't imagine my life without them, any of them… or you," she shuddered as a cool breeze drifted past them.

"I know," Derek responded softly, resting his cheek against her head, "How'd it go last week?"

"It was good," Meredith sighed happily, "crazy, but good. The last time you were gone, Ellie wasn't walking yet, which made everything easier, but this time," she laughed, "It felt like wrangling zoo animals at bedtime, very screechy zoo animals."

Derek chuckled, "They're spunky, just like their mom," he winked.

"You're the one who practically bounces around everywhere."

"I'm an old man, Mer, I don't have it in me to bounce anymore."

She smacked his stomach, "You're not that old. At least not in bed," she smirked.

"Touché."

"Speaking of sex," Meredith sighed, "Bailey wants a brother."

Derek's eyes bulged, "A brother?"

"That was my reaction. The girls were playing at the tea party table and Bailey was sitting on the bean bag pouting. I went over to ask him what was wrong and he glared at me and said 'Mom, I need a brother,' he looked just like you," she giggled.

"Well great, I'm glad the kid inherited something from me," Derek chuckled, picturing the little blonde boy with Meredith's eyes, "Do you… do you want another baby?"

"Maybe?" Meredith told him honestly, "Not anytime soon. Ellis is still so little and I, I don't know… I want some more time to work without throwing another person into the mix again, you know?"

Derek nodded, "I do."

"What about you? Do you think you'll want another baby?"

"I…" he licked his lips, "I wouldn't say no… but I'd have to agree, I think you deserve some time to focus on your work and things are going really well right now," he smiled, "I love our family and I love what we have, I'm not opposed, but I think it's important that we just enjoy Zola, Bailey, and Ellis for a while. These past couple years have been crazy between my accident and the baby. I think a year to settle down would be good."

"Yeah," Meredith nodded with a smile, "I think… I think that would be good too."

"So no brother for now," Derek conceded, "Maybe in a year or two."

"Do you want to break the news to your son?" Meredith laughed.

"As long as you're the one to tell him that if we do have another one, we can't guarantee he won't wind up with another sister," Derek snorted.

"I think that's your territory," she winked, nudging her shoulder against his.

Derek shook his head, "I feel for Bailey, I really do," he chuckled, "being the only boy is a tough business."

"He's fine, he's got you."

Derek hummed in agreement, "Maybe I'll take him along to our next guys' night."

"The one night every other week reserved for just the guys getting invaded by a 3-year-old?"

"Why not? They love Bailey."

"His little mind will explode," she said.

"It'll be fun," Derek laughed, "and It'll give us some time; just the two of us."

"I think he'd love that."

"Me too," Derek was looking out over the water when he felt her eyes on him, "What?" he chuckled, looking over at his wife.

"Just you," she whispered, "You are," Meredith began slowly, her throat becoming thick as she moved to look him in the eye. She smiled, "You are everything I never knew I always wanted for my kids," she finished softly, bringing her chilly hands to his face and kissed him.

Derek shook his head lightly and smiled at her, the one that made his eyes sparkle, "I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith told him, pulling him toward her and hugging him close.

When she was with him things made sense; problems felt small, little moments felt monumental, and her heart was full.

* * *

Derek stood in the doorway of the daycare center watching Zola color at a tiny green table, her tongue sticking out of her mouth in severe concentration. He glanced around the room and smiled again as he spotted Bailey putting toy milk cartons into a tiny oven.

 _A couple years ago I almost lost this forever. I would never have met Ellis, never would have coached Zola's soccer games or gone to her ballet recitals, never would have played dinosaurs with Bailey or put together his big boy bed._

Derek sighed contentedly.

 _What would I do without my family?_

"Daddy!" Zola screeched when she finally saw him, "You're home, you're home, you're home!" she cheered, bolting toward him.

"Hi Zo!" he chuckled, swooping her up just before she crashed into his legs.

Zola wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him close, "I missed you, Daddy."

Derek swayed back and forth, "I missed you too, Princess," he promised, tickling her side.

"Daddy!" another little voice called from across the room.

"Bailey!" Derek laughed again, matching his excitement as the little blonde boy bounced up to him and Zola started playing with his hair.

"Up, Daddy, up," Bailey requested, clinging onto his leg and staring up at him with big green eyes.

He smirked and moved Zola to one hip before squatting down quickly to snatch up his little boy, "Hi, Monkey."

"Hi," Bailey giggled excitedly, leaning his head against Derek's shoulder and sticking his tongue out at his sister.

"Hey! That's not nice, Bails!" Zola whined, sticking her lower lip out.

"Bailey, keep your tongue in your mouth," Derek chided.

"I **am** nice," Bailey glared at Zola.

 _Huh. He does look like me when he glares._

"Nuh - uh," Zola said.

"Hey, hey, hey," Derek called to the siblings, going back and forth and kissing each of their cheeks twice, eliciting a giggle from both of them, "Let's all be nice."

"Mommy and I chased dinosaurs, Dad," Bailey announced suddenly, grabbing at Derek's collar as Zola kept playing with his hair.

"That was a secret," Meredith gasped from behind them.

Bailey groaned, "But it was so cool, Mom."

"It was very cool," she smirked. Ellis squealed in her arms as Derek turned around to look at her, the two older kids still clinging onto him.

"Your mom is the coolest," Derek winked, "Hi," he said, his voice going up an octave as he kissed the baby's cheek. Ellie reached out to him and started whining.

"Uh-oh," Meredith laughed, bouncing her up and down, "You're gonna have to be patient, Daddy's fully loaded. I know, it's so rough," she cooed, attempting to hug the struggling baby closer.

"Alright, Munchkins, go get your stuff," Derek told the two clinging to him, "We have to get you home and fill those bellies," he said, crouching down to set them on the ground. The kids darted off to grab their bags and Derek popped back up to face Meredith.

"You can take this little hot mess," Meredith said, holding Ellis out toward him as she continued to cry and reach for him, "and I'll go sign them out," she declared.

"Come here, Ellie," Derek cooed, pulling her from Meredith's hands into his arms. The baby melted against his chest in a matter of seconds and grabbed onto his shirt, laying her head in the crook of his neck.

"Ready to go?" Meredith asked, looking at Bailey and Zola as they made their way toward their parents again.

"Yes Ma'am!" Zola said, a big smile on her face as she grabbed her Mom's hand.

Bailey nodded and scrambled to Meredith's feet, "Please?" he asked her sweetly, reaching his arms up.

Meredith smiled down at him and released Zola's hand to pick him up, "How could I say no to such a cute little face?" she asked, kissing his nose, making him giggle as she grabbed Zola's hand again.

"Alright, let's hit it," Derek said, opening the nursery door with his free hand and waiting for Meredith to guide the older kids out before closing it behind them all.

"Grey! Shepherd!," a voice called behind them as they made their way down the hall.

"Uncle Owen!" Zola said excitedly as he ran toward them.

"Hey Munchkin," he said, giving her a high-five.

"Me!" Bailey demanded.

Owen chuckled and gave him one too, "Where were you guys today?"

"Oh umm…" Meredith muttered, glancing over at Derek.

"We uh… had a thing," Derek offered suspiciously, shrugging his shoulders.

"A thing… right," Owen said, not looking convinced, "Well as two members of the board it makes a difference when you're not at the meetings. We'd appreciate more of a heads up next time."

Derek nodded, "Right, we apologize, something urgent came up," he lied, throwing a look at Meredith.

 _Hotel sex and lunch and ferryboat rides are all very urgent things._

"I'm sorry, but we have to get the kids home," Meredith told Owen, reaching down to rub Zola's back.

"Right, of course," Owen said, shaking his head, "Look, Meredith, about this morning…"

"You know," Meredith chuckled, shaking her head, "now is **not** the best time to talk about this," gesturing toward the kids.

A look of clarity flashed across Derek's face, "Oh, that's right, you defiled my children," Derek chuckled, bouncing Ellis up and down a little as she started to whine.

Owen groaned, "Look, it was…"

"Daddy, what does de-filled mean?" Zola asked, tugging on his coat.

"It's a grown-up word, you'll learn it in a few years," he promised her, taking her hand.

"But I'm big!" she pouted.

Derek nodded, "You are but you'll get bigger."

"Ok, well," Meredith said awkwardly, "We will talk about this later with you **and** Amy," she promised, shifting Bailey on her hip.

"Yes," Derek nodded, a smirk on his face, "Why don't you two have some wine with us tonight after we get the kids to bed? 9 o'clock?"

"Oh… well… I'd have to check with Amelia," Owen said, clearing his throat.

"Perfect," Derek smiled, "Come on ladies, let's go," he said, taking Zola by the hand and walking away with his daughters.

"Bye Owen!" Zola called with a wave, before skipping alongside her dad.

"We'll see you tonight. 9 o'clock," Meredith nodded, "Say bye-bye Bailey."

"Buh-bye!" Bailey said with a cheesy grin as Meredith turned around to catch up with Derek and the girls.

"Do you think he believed that?" Meredith asked with a laugh as she caught up with Derek.

Derek snorted, "No, but I'm not concerned considering the encounter you four had with them this morning."

"Right," she nodded, "He has no room to judge."

"None what so ever," Derek smirked at her, looking her up and down as they waited for the elevator.

 _She looks hot. She always looks hot. How does she do that? Hold a kid and look that hot?  
_

"Derek!" she hissed, "We are **surrounded** by our children."

He shrugged and kissed Ellis' forehead, "We weren't when we were in the hotel," he chuckled.

She glared at him but it morphed into a smile as she shook her head.

 _Those hotel activities were definitely not kid-friendly. Conducive to making them? Yes, but that will **not** be happening anytime soon._

"Mama I want pancakes!" Bailey cheered suddenly, clapping his hands together.

"You want pancakes? For dinner?" she laughed, turning her head to look at him.

"Yeah!" he squealed, bouncing on her arm.

Zola's eyes lit up and she looked up at Meredith, "Me too!" she said, swinging from Derek's arm.

"Well then it looks like we're having breakfast for dinner," Derek chuckled.

Meredith glanced at him, "Seriously?" she snorted a laugh as the elevator 'dinged' notifying them of its arrival.

"Seriously," he mocked her, "It's a thing. People do it, it's called brinner," he said, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Yeah, Mama! It's a thing," Zola nodded with a grin.

"Ok," Meredith laughed, shaking her head as she led her family onto the elevator.

* * *

 **Every heart needs a little MerDer cuteness once in a while - I hope this suffices for now :)**


	2. The Joys of Siblngs

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy**

 **Read.  
Hopefully, enjoy.  
Review if you'd like!**

* * *

 _You know what would be a miracle? Having all three kids in their beds **and** asleep by 9 pm, but they're so cute when they're tired (but not so tired they're screaming) that it really doesn't even matter. _

"Ok, Zozo, it's your turn. Are you ready?" Meredith asked her with a smile, walking into the living room.

"What about daddy?" she asked, popping her head up from the book her nose was buried in.

"Ellie's having a hard time going to sleep," Meredith told her, kneeling down next to the bean bag she was nestled in.

Zola sighed, "But **I** want daddy," she muttered sadly.

"I know, Bug," Meredith sighed, reaching to rub Zola's cheek, "Why don't we go lay down and read some books in bed for a little bit? I'll make sure he goes in to say good night."

The little girl sighed heavily again "Ok," she murmured, closing her book and setting it on the floor.

"I missed you today," Meredith told her, raising her eyebrows with a smirk as she pulled Zola out of her seat.

"You did?"

"I did," she nodded, standing up and pulling Zola into her arms. She planted a big, dramatic kiss on her cheek and rubbed her back before letting her fingers dance their way along her side.

"That tickles, Mama" she giggled, wrapping her arms around her mom's neck and resting her cheek on her shoulder.

 _There was a day when her legs barely reached around my waist. How did she get so big?_

"Where's Gi-GI?" Meredith asked her, looking around the play area.

"In bed," Zola told her with a large yawn that made her eyes water.

"Good," Meredith whispered, making her way down the hall toward Zola's room.

Zola sighed heavily, "Mom, I don't like it when Dad leaves," she admitted.

"I know, but he always comes home," Meredith smiled softly, "He doesn't like leaving either."

"Then why does he?" she asked curiously as we made it into her bedroom.

"Well," Meredith began, pulling back the pink covers and settling Zola beneath them before tucking her in tight, "He has work to do in D.C.," she told her, smoothing her hand over her hair.

"Work's not fun though," Zola said, scrunching her nose as she pulled Gi-Gi onto her chest.

Meredith laughed, "It can be," she told her, "When you find something you really love to do it can be a lot of fun. Daddy likes his work. He doesn't like leaving us for it, but he likes it."

"Just like you?" she asked, looking Meredith in the eye, "You like work and you do cool surgeries," Zola grinned.

"I do," Meredith nodded with a laugh.

Zola thought for a second, "Daddy does cool surgeries too."

"He does," Meredith smiled, "Should we pick out a book?"

"Yes," she said happily, leaning out of her bed to file through the basket next to it that was almost overflowing with books, "This one!" she said, pulling herself back into bed and flopping the book on Meredith's lap.

Meredith picked up the book Amelia had gotten her for Christmas and smiled, "Who Says Women Can't Be Doctors?'" she began, reading the title.

* * *

 _8:55, just enough time to clean up the explosion in the living room before Amelia gets home with Owen._

Meredith made her way out of Zola's room, closing the door quietly behind herself and walking back into the living room.

The door clicked open about ten minutes later, just as she was tossing a soft lavender-colored blanket over the back of the couch, "Hey," Amelia called in a nervous, sing-songy voice.

"Hey," Meredith replied happily.

"Sorry we're late," she said, kicking off her shoes as Owen came in behind her.

Meredith smiled, "Don't worry about it. I needed the couple extra minutes to clean up," she admitted, "Derek should be out any second, he's putting the baby down. How was your day?" she asked, looking at the two of them.

 _You know how their day was Meredith, they started it screwing each other on your couch. Crap. The couch. Did they clean it? The kids crawled_ _ **all**_ _over it tonight._

"Great," Amelia smiled widely, "Since you and your husband **disappeared** for the afternoon, **I** got his surgery."

"You're welcome," Derek chuckled, appearing from the hallway, "Hey Hunt," he smiled, making his way to the sink with Ellis' bottle.

"Is she asleep?" Meredith asked, moving to the wine fridge.

"No," Derek snorted a laugh, "She's playing with her bunny, but it was the first time in five tries I could set her down without any crying so I'm calling it a win."

"She was in a **mood** today," Meredith sighed.

"She's a daddy's girl," Amelia shrugged, "She's pissed at you for leaving," she smirked as she and Owen moved toward the island.

"Oh," Meredith said suddenly, turning toward Derek with a bottle of wine in her hands, "Go say goodnight to Zola, she was sad you couldn't put her to bed," she told him.

"I thought she might be," he sighed, rinsing the bottle one last time before shutting the faucet off and placing it on the drying rack and walking out of the room again.

"Owen," Meredith said with a smile, spinning to face him, "wine?" she offered.

"Please," he nodded with a smile.

"Do we have any of the bubbly water stuff left?" Amelia asked, moving toward the fridge.

"Maybe," Meredith said, grabbing three wine glasses from the cupboard, "Derek might have had the last one with dinner. I don't know how you two like that crap," she shuddered, pulling a drawer open to grab the wine bottle opener.

Amelia shrugged, "Ah, found one!" she cheered, shoving a few things aside, "Where did these pancakes come from?"

"Dinner," Meredith said, pouring the wine, "The kids insisted on breakfast foods of all kind."

"My kinda kids," Amelia nodded, "Owen do you want pie?" she asked, pulling a pie tin and can of water out of the fridge.

He chuckled, shaking his head as he leaned against the island, "How can you possibly eat more food?"

"It's pie," she shrugged, "How can you not want any?" she asked, her face twisting in confusion.

Owen just laughed and shook his head, "Thanks," he said to Meredith as she placed a glass in front of him.

"Derek, what was in that pie mom used to make for Christmas?" Amelia asked him as he walked back into the kitchen.

"Ooh," he said, confusion clouding his face as he tried to remember, "I don't know, it was delicious though," he told her, kissing Meredith's cheek as he grabbed the wine she offered him.

"How's Zo?" Meredith asked him.

"Good," he nodded, leaning around her to stick a fork in the pie Amelia had taken out, "she looked half asleep when I walked in. I popped my head into Bailey's room too, he was already snoring."

"Good," she sighed with a smile, "should we go sit?" she offered.

 _Why? Why did you say that? Do you really want to go sit on the couch you caught them screwing on? With them?_

Derek swallowed his piece of pie roughly, "Maybe we should just…"

"We can stay here," Owen nodded, a bit vigorously, "Here is good," he smiled.

"Oh right," Amelia laughed, "You beckoned us here to talk about our sex life."

"Amelia," Owen groaned.

"Ok well she's not wrong," Meredith said, rolling her eyes a bit, "and we aren't here to lecture you," she told them, "You're adults. You can have sex if you want to have…"

"Just try not to do it where our kids play," Derek interjected before taking a sip of his wine.

"Right," Meredith nodded, "Look we just… what happened this morning can't happen again."

"It won't," Owen said quickly, "We're sorry…"

" **You're** sorry," Amelia snorted with a smirk, "I'm **not** sorry," she said, biting her fork and looking at him.

Derek groaned, "Could you not have eye sex right now?"

"Derek!" Meredith said, smacking his arm.

"She's practically mounting him with her eyes," he defended, only to be smacked again, "Ow, stop it."

Meredith gave him a pointed look.

Owen cleared his throat, "Look, we uh, we got carried away last night and… anyway, we're sorry. **I'm** sorry and it will not happen again," he promised.

"Oh come on," Amelia groaned, "It's fun! It's like being in high school and not knowing when mom will walk through the door," she said, a smirk playing on her face.

"God, Amy!" Derek snorted.

"Ok knock it off, both of you," Meredith said, smacking Derek and Amelia from her spot in between them.

"Ow!" they said in unison, rubbing their arms.

Owen shifted awkwardly in his seat and chugged the rest of his wine.

"So did you… clean up when you were done?" Derek asked, raising his eyebrows at Amelia over his glass as he took a sip.

"It's a couch, how am I supposed to clean that?"

"That's a no," Meredith said with a sigh, her nose crinkling in disgust.

"What?" she asked defensively, "It's a couch!"

"That the kids crawl **all** over every day," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"It's only a problem if they lick the couch," she snorted, "Do they lick the couch?"

"They're not animals," Derek chuckled, but the smile died off of his face.

 _Ok, they're not animals but there was that time you caught Bailey licking the couch because he thought it was funny._

"Well, I mean… they're young Amy," Meredith said, scrunching her nose.

"They lick the couch?" she asked sharply, "That's disgusting."

"Only if someone's been having sex on it," Meredith hissed in defense.

Owen sat in a chair by the island, taking in the conversation, amusement evident on his face as he reached to grab the bottle and pour himself another glass.

"You know what?" Derek said, closing his eyes for a split second with a slight smile, "I'll take care of it, but next time, you're cleaning up after yourself."

"How do you even clean a couch?" she asked, scrunching her nose, "and why do you need to know how?"

"Well… little kids… spilling things," Meredith stammered before taking a quick sip.

"Oh my god!" Amelia scoffed, "You two are hypocrites. You've done it on that couch?"

"It's our house," Derek defended with a chuckle.

Meredith rolled her eyes, "and we never do it when we know the kids will be up," she said sternly, giving Amelia a pointed look, "I know," she said, raising her eyebrows as she smirked, "You can help your brother clean it so you know how," she offered.

Amelia grunted, "Fine," she said, turning around and shoving the pie back in the fridge.

"You know she regresses about fifteen years whenever she's around you, right?" Owen chuckled, glancing at Derek.

"No I don't," Amelia rolled her eyes.

Derek chuckled, "You kind of do," he agreed.

"Do you want to talk about what you two did today?" Amelia asked with a smirk, grabbing her drink and moving to sit next to Owen.

"We rode a ferry boat," Meredith said with a smile.

Derek looked over at her and smiled, "We did," he said, looking back over at the couple.

"You skipped a board meeting to ride a boat?" Owen asked with a slight chuckle.

Meredith nodded, "We did," she said with a cocky smile.

 _And paid to have sex in a hotel for three hours and went out for food but that's more information than they need._

* * *

"They seem happy together," Meredith said later that night, getting into bed.

"Who?" Derek asked, popping his head out of the bathroom as he finished brushing his teeth.

"Owen and your sister," she said, rolling her eyes and she snuggling under the covers, turning on her side to look at him.

 _For such a smart man, he is **insanely** slow sometimes. _

Derek glared at her, but she could've sworn he was smiling a bit too, "Yeah," he said with a nod before disappearing for a moment and returning without his toothbrush, "They do," he smiled, shutting the bathroom light off and moving toward the bed, "Which is good. Amy deserves to be happy. They both do."

"I didn't think he would ever move on after Cristina," Meredith said honestly.

 _He was so broken when she left._ _ **He**_ _cheated on her, he was partly to blame for that blowing up in their faces._

He hummed, "Have you talked to Cristina lately?"

Meredith shook her head, "Not in… a few weeks, I think?"

"Weeks?" he asked, his brows knit in confusion, "Have you ever gone that long without talking to her?"

"Yes," Meredith said defensively.

Derek gave her a pointed look.

"Ok not in a long time," she conceded, "but I don't know," she shrugged, "She still doesn't really get the whole kid thing and… it's hard to find time to talk to her **without** them."

"Hmmm," he hummed, looking over at her.

"What?"

"Do you **want** to find the time?" he asked her honestly.

"Of course I do."

"Ok."

"I mean, It's Cristina, Derek."

"I know that, but things change."

"Things have changed," Meredith admitted, "but… she came back, Derek. After your accident; she came back."

He smiled softly, "She did," he said, thinking back to the weeks she'd spent with them.

Cristina had been one of the first people he'd seen after waking up. She calmed him down and there was no doubt in his mind that she had calmed Meredith down too.

"She did," Meredith sighed.

"You should call her tomorrow," he said seriously, "In the morning. I'll get the kids ready. You should call her, Meredith," he told her, "She's your person."

"You're my person," she sighed, reaching to grab his hand.

"We're **both** your person," he told her knowingly, giving her a pointed look.

Meredith smiled, "Is that possible?"

"Well it's either that or you choose between us," Derek snorted, "and my ego can't take that loss right now," he joked.

"That's not a choice I could ever make," Meredith told him softly, "I can sleep without Cristina in my bed but I never sleep well without you in it and I can bitch about you to Cristina, I can't… bitch about you to… you," she laughed.

Derek rolled his eyes and chuckled, "Which is why you have to **call her**."

"Fine," Meredith nodded sharply, "I'll call her in the morning."

"So you can finally bitch about me?"

"Oh I bitch about you to Amy too, don't worry," she said, giving him a smirk.

 _They're sisters, real sisters. Old Meredith was terrible with sisters, but now, out of the three others Amy has to deal with, she's the best._

He chuckled and shook his head with a smile, squeezing her hand and leaning closer to kiss her.

Meredith groaned, "I'm too tired for sex."

Derek chuckled, "I just kissed you," he said defensively.

"Yeah but kissing like that leads to sex," she told him, her voice gruff with oncoming sleep.

"It doesn't have to," he said, kissing her lips lightly before rolling over to turn off his light.

Meredith grunted at the loss of warmth, "Come back," she said, swatting an arm toward him.

"What?" he laughed, rolling closer again.

"You're warm," she murmured sleepily.

"So you don't want me for sex, but you want me to be your heater?"

"Yes," she nodded sharply, shoving her hands up his shirt.

"Ahh," he hissed, "Your hands are like icicles."

Meredith giggled, her eyes closed, "Sorry."

"Mmhmm," he chuckled tiredly, "Happy to be of service," he whispered, kissing her head.

She smiled, moving closer to rest her head on his chest.

Derek grabbed the comforter and pulled it up to her shoulders, "G'night," he whispered.

Meredith grunted in response and Derek smirked as her breathing evened out.

 _You just spent four nights away from home and you could barely sleep without her ice-cold hands and frigid feet._

* * *

Derek's eyes snapped open as he heard crying coming from the baby monitor just a couple hours later. Meredith groaned next to him and he blinked harshly as he slid out from underneath her to climb out of bed.

 _Crying. Ellis. Ellis crying. 3:27. So early_.

He reached the door and moved to pull it open, hearing little feet slap the hardwood floor as they ran closer. Derek opened the door and saw Bailey run toward him crying.

"Daddy," he hiccuped, knocking into Derek's legs.

Derek reached down and pulled him into his arms before turning back to the bed where Meredith lay, "Shhh you're ok," he murmured, kissing his forehead, "Go lay by Mama, I have to get your sister before she wakes up Zozo," he told him groggily before plopping him in bed next to Meredith.

Meredith turned, feeling little hands on her stomach, "Hi buddy," she said with a sleep-filled voice. Bailey whimpered and climbed onto her.

Rubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to ward off tiredness, Derek walked into Ellis' room, "Hey, what's wrong?" He cooed, scooping the little girl into his arms.

"Dada," she cried, melting into his arms.

 _Did she just? Did she just say 'dada'? She did. Finally._

Derek smiled, cradling her close and swaying with her a bit, "Shhh, I'm right here," he assured her, "You're ok."

Her cries softened to whimpers as she snuggled into him, snatching the collar of his t-shirt.

Confusion clouded Derek's head as heard shuffling, banging, and giggly whispers coming from the kitchen.

 _Who is awake and in the kitchen at 3:30 in the morning? Did Zola wake up?_

"Let's go see what's going on," Derek said quietly, kissing Ellis' crazy bed head before padding out of the room, tiny whimpers still coming from her mouth.

Derek walked down the hallway and flipped on the lights, "What are doing?" he asked, confused as glanced into the now illuminated kitchen to find Owen and Amelia.

 _Where are Amy's pants? Owen doesn't have a shirt on. Amy's wearing Owen's shirt. Oh, come_ _ **on**_ _._

"We **just** had this conversation," Derek groaned, rubbing Ellis' back as she turned her head to look and then let her head fall onto Derek's cheek.

"Dada," she cooed again, slapping a hand against his other cheek.

 _She said it again! It wasn't just baby babble. She knows._

"Oh crap," Amelia muttered stifling a giggle.

"We're not… um, this isn't what it looks like," Owen stuttered with a smile.

"Right," Derek said slowly, unconvinced.

"We're baking cookies," Amelia offered, pointing toward the oven as she stood by Owen.

"At 3:30 in the morning?" Derek asked tiredly.

Amelia and Owen shrugged and glanced at each other with smirks on their faces, "We… worked up an appetite," Owen offered.

"Yeah I don't care," Derek said simply, "just don't wake Zola up," he told them, his hand hovering over the light switch before he let it fall to his side, deciding to leave the light on so at least they didn't burn down his house, "and put more clothes on," he said as he walked back down the hall with the baby.

* * *

"What's going on out there," Meredith whispered from underneath Bailey as Derek walked back into the room with a freshly changed Ellis.

He rolled his eyes, snuggling the baby close as he made his way to his side of the bed, "Baking cookies."

"At almost 4 in the morning?" she groaned.

Ellie whimpered as Derek laid down in bed, pulling the comforter over both of them, "Apparently they 'worked up an appetite'," he told her.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked, looking at him over Bailey's head.

"What do you mean?" he asked, bouncing the baby a little with his arm as she began to cry again.

Meredith gestured between them, "They need to be in their own beds," she whispered harshly, "This **cannot** turn into a thing again."

"Meredith, I am too tired to walk her for another hour," he groaned, "and he's asleep already," Derek whispered, gesturing to Bailey as he let out a soft snore.

Meredith sighed, "I should've just brought him to his bed."

"It's too late now," Derek snorted, "We won't get any more sleep if we try to take them to their rooms," he said softly, "It'll be ok just this once."

"Ok," Meredith sighed tiredly, "Do you think they'll move in together soon? I'm tired of dealing with their sexcapades."

"Me too," he hummed, "I don't think that'll happen anytime soon though. Amy's not ready."

"Amy's not ready or you're not ready?"

"Meredith."

"It was a serious question, Derek," Meredith told him in a whisper, "I know she's your little sister and you want to take care of her, but..."

"But nothing," he said seriously, "She watched our Dad get shot, she lost her boyfriend, and her baby died in her arms."

"Do you want me to make you a list?" Meredith snorted, "She's been through a lot but so have you."

"But most of it's been **with** you... that's different."

"Ok," she agreed, "but Owen's been through just as much, Derek."

" **He's** not my sister, I don't have an obligation to protect him."

"But I do," she reminded him, "Cristina asked me to."

Derek sighed heavily and closed his eyes, "It's her decision."

"It is," Meredith said softly.

"I **do** want them to stop having sex all over our house, but..." he let out a breath, "I don't know if I'm ready to let her leave," he admitted, leaning his head against Ellie's.

"I know," Meredith whispered, reaching a hand over to his shoulder.

Just when he thought she'd fallen asleep, the little girl started squirming and whining again, "Shh, shh, shh," Derek whispered against Ellie's head, rubbing circles on her back.

"Dada," Ellis whimpered, struggling to snuggle closer to him.

Meredith's eyes snapped open, "Did she just?"

"Mmhmm," Derek smiled with his eyes closed, "That's the third time tonight."

"I told you she would say it after you got home," Meredith smirked cockily, closing her eyes, "You can pay me in the morning," she whispered.

A chuckle radiated through Derek's sternum, "Can we just enjoy the fact that she's not calling me 'Mama' anymore?" he asked, turning his head to look at her.

"We can," Meredith nodded, "But I won," she giggled causing Bailey to grunt in his sleep and slide off of her only to cuddle into her side, an arm clinging to her waist.

 _He's a good dad and a good brother. He's taken care of Amy for so long and in so many ways, but she's strong. Amelia has been through a lot but she's still fighting for a happy life. He just has to learn that if she leaves, it's not a guarantee she'll get hurt again, but if she does, she can always come home._

* * *

 **Thank you so much to those of you who have reviewed!  
I really love hearing that you like the story, it's a fun one to write, and I hope that it's a fun one to read.**

 **I appreciate you, thank you SO much for letting me know what you think! :)**


	3. The Perfect Monster

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.**

 **Read.  
Hopefully, Enjoy.  
Review if you'd like!**

* * *

Looking out over the deck and onto the land, Meredith tucked her legs under her as she sat on the bench, cradling a cup of steaming coffee.

 _Just pick up the phone. Dial the number. No, hit speed dial. That's all you have to do, you have her on_ _ **speed dial,**_ _Meredith. It's just Cristina, buck up and call her._

Rolling her eyes, Meredith stared at her phone as it sat on the bench in front of her. After a few moments, she picked it up with a sigh and hit speed dial 2.

"Hello?" Cristina's voice crackled through the receiver.

Meredith cleared her throat, "Hey, it's me," she said.

"Meredith, hi," she said, surprise evident in her voice, "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, yes," she shook her head with a small smile, "everything's fine. It's just... been a while."

"Oh, good. Yeah, it has been."

"So, uh, how's Switzerland?"

"Cold."

Meredith laughed, "Well that's pretty standard. I saw that your article was published in the States."

"Yeah, they butchered part of the translation over here," Cristina snorted, "I'm now known by the non-English speaking Swiss as an excellent veterinarian."

"A vet?" Meredith giggled, "Well congratulations, I'll know who to go to if we ever get Bailey that dog he wants."

Cristina faked a laugh, "Very funny," she said, Meredith could almost feel the eyeroll, "Are you adding another animal to the zoo?" she asked.

"We do not run a zoo," Meredith snorted a laugh, "We are thinking about the dog thing though. Derek loved having Doc out here. But, with our schedules, we're not sure it would be a good idea."

"That's true and it could get cancer again," Cristina offered, "the munchkins would be all sobb-y and sad. You don't want to deal with that."

"True," Meredith nodded, "It was hard when Doc got sick."

"Well, I mean you and McDreamy were still making love eyes at each other while dating other people and Doc was your last hope."

"I'm not sure if that's true," Meredith laughed.

Cristina grunted, "Trust me, it is. I was the one who dealt with your shit."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes.

"I mean it was fine, we drank a lot of tequila that year."

"We did," she laughed.

"When's the last time you had tequila, Mer?"

"A few weeks ago."

" **Weeks?** " Cristina said a bit horrified, "Good God, Meredith."

"Cristina I have three kids," she defended, "I can't get drunk every night. They don't understand hangovers **or** sleeping in," she told her, taking a few gulps of coffee.

"You've just gotta train them to take care of you," she offered 'helpfully'.

"That would be very Ellis Grey of me."

"I know you think Ellis was a bad mom," Cristina laughed, "but that's genius."

"Whatever," Meredith snorted a laugh, "Are you seeing anyone? Or sexing anyone?" she asked, raising her eyebrows with a smirk.

"Ross and I are sex friends again," she offered nonchalantly.

"What? You're doing Ross and you didn't tell me?"

"I mean it's not new."

"Yes, it is! There was a time that you swore him off," Meredith argued, "You said you were done with him!"

"What can I say?" Cristina said cockily, "He's good. Why give up something good for something meh?" She shrugged.

"Because it's Ross!"

"Meredith, when you and Derek were doing it everywhere, all the time and then you got with the Vet, didn't you want to go back to Derek?"

"I never slept with Finn!" Meredith told her, "Are you trying to tell me that Ross is your Derek? Are you in love with him?" she gasped.

"No!" Cristina said, "I'm just saying sex with Ross is scotch and sex with bar guy is a spritzer."

"Right, ok," Meredith nodded with an eyeroll.

"Oh come on, before you turned into a pod married person and decided to only do one man for the rest of your life you had favorites too."

"I did, but that's not the point," Meredith argued with a giggle before releasing a breath, "We are way too old to be having this conversation," she snorted.

"Is sex with McDreamy that bad now?"

"No, it's not bad."

"On old Meredith scale or boring, married Meredith scale?"

"There are no scales!" Meredith laughed, "It's good sex, plain and simple. Even better in the last few years," she defended, "After the accident, he started working out. Like **a lot** and he's killing the stamina game," she said with a happy sigh.

"Wow," Cristina nodded, "I'm impressed."

"Oh **it's** impressive," Meredith smirked suggestively.

"Eww, I did not need to hear that."

"Oh shut up, if you can tell me about your scotch sex with Ross, you can listen to me talk about my **husband**."

"Yeah, yeah," she rolled her eyes.

 _This is good, really good. It feels normal and… good. Why did you think this would be a bad thing? It's Cristina. You know how to talk to Cristina._

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd," Jo called, running up behind him, "I'm on your service today," she told him.

Derek smiled, "Great, I was just on my way to consult with a patient. You can tag along."

Wilson nodded and walked alongside him, "Thank you, by the way, for the uh… the invitation for Friday night. I know I'm only invited because Alex is going, but… thank you," she told him with a sigh.

 _God, get your shit together Jo. He's still your boss; you're not friends with him, Alex is._

"Of course," Derek said happily, "Anyone who can deal with Karev is welcome in my home,' he chuckled as they turned the corner into the patient's room, "Good morning, Mrs. Keppel," he smiled.

"So you **are** still here!" the older woman said excitedly, "Billy told me I was crazy for thinking you would be," she rolled her eyes.

"Hey Doc," Billy chuckled, standing next to the patient's bed.

Derek nodded toward him, "Good to see you," he smiled before turning his attention back toward Mrs. Keppel, "I would say the same to you, under different circumstances" he sighed, standing at the foot of her bed and dropping her chart onto the food tray.

"I know you have very important work to do," the woman ignored him, "but I heard you and Dr. Grey had another baby since the last time I saw you and I'm not letting you leave until I see pictures," she told him, giving him a very motherly pointed look.

"Ma," Billy groaned.

Derek just laughed and shook his head, grabbing his phone from his pocket, "She's pretty cute, your aneurysm might actually blow," he joked, moving to sit on her bed, pulling up some pictures.

"Well bring it on," Mrs. Keppel laughed, "Oh my, look at those blue eyes," she sighed, grabbing his phone, "Oh my goodness, is that Zola?"

Derek nodded with a bright smile as he leaned in to see the picture Meredith had taken of him and Zola at her last soccer game.

"She's beautiful. She looks tall," she smiled at Derek, "and your son, my, last time I saw a picture he was tiny," she sighed.

"They're growing up pretty fast," Derek agreed happily, "As much as I would love to sit here and stare at pictures of my kids with you for hours, we do have to…"

"Oh Billy, look at them," Mrs. Keppel interrupting, showing him a picture of all three kids, "Don't you just want one?"

Billy shook his head and ran a hand over his face, "Clare and I have been married for two weeks, Mom."

"Alright, alright," Derek chuckled, snatching his phone back, "You can torture your son later," he told her, standing up and shoving his phone back into his pocket as he moved back to her chart.

"Thank you," Billy told him, his pleading eyes meeting Derek's.

"This is Dr. Wilson, she'll be working with me on your case," Derek said, gesturing toward the resident.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Keppel," Wilson nodded.

"Hello, Dear. How is it working with such a handsome Dr.?" Mrs. Keppel asked with a wink.

Jo laughed, "I appreciate the opportunity to work with both Dr. Shepherd **and** his wife."

"What did I say about torturing people?" Derek chuckled, turning back to Mrs. Keppel, "Tell me about these seizures you've been having."

Mrs. Keppel attempted to deny the severity of the situation but was quickly set straight by her son and divulged all of her symptoms.

"Well," Derek began softly, "Taking into consideration what I've read from your chart, what you've just told me, and what your son mentioned over the phone, I would like you to consider another operation."

"Dr. Shepherd," she began to protest.

"Just listen," Derek interjected, shaking his head, "I'd like to do what's called a Corpus Callosotomy. Dr. Wilson, would you explain to Mrs. Keppel what the procedure entails?"

Wilson nodded and began softly, "The Corpus Callosum is a band of fibers that connects the two hemispheres of your brain. This is what is allowing your seizures to occur. It's like a storm of electricity in your brain; jumping between hemispheres through these fibers. Dr. Shepherd will sever the connection between the two hemispheres which will cause your seizures to stop."

"Well said," he nodded, "Why is it that I would recommend this surgery?"

"By the sounds of it, your seizures occur frequently and pose a risk to your safety when they do. This operation will allow you more freedom and you will no longer have to worry about suffering any injuries due to an unexpected seizure."

"If you choose to opt out of the surgery," Derek added, "I would recommend a home nurse or family member stay with you. Worst case scenario; you move into an assisted living facility."

"I don't know," she sighed.

"Mom, this surgery will stop your seizures. Think about everything you could do," her son urged, "You wouldn't have to be afraid to leave the house anymore."

"But it's **another** brain surgery."

"It's a big decision," Derek agreed, "You can take your time, think about it and let me know what you choose," he offered, "for what it's worth, I would want my mother to have the surgery," he admitted, flipping her file closed.

"I know that Dr. Shepherd has operated on you before," Wilson interjected, "and you're familiar with him so you know; he's the best Mrs. Keppel," she told the woman kindly.

"Thank you," she said with a soft smile, looking between the two.

Derek nodded, "Have the nurse page me when you've made your decision," he told her, before making his way out of the room so they could discuss their options.

"Why wouldn't she jump at the chance to have this surgery?" Jo asked him as they walked away from the patient's room, "I mean this is the difference between living a life stranded at home in fear and…"

"Wilson," Derek sighed, "It's much more complicated than that," he started carefully, "brain surgery of any kind is a big deal. It's not only a matter of what kind of life she wants. It's also a matter of the very real fact that she may die on the table."

"But you do much less routine procedures every day," she argued.

Derek stopped and turned to look at her, "No brain surgery is routine. No brain is the same, Wilson. Even the most minor slip up may cause irreparable damage. It's terrifying to think of what may happen, even during a surgery someone has performed countless times," he told her knowingly.

Wilson nodded slowly, only half-convinced, "Right," she sighed.

"Go finish her chart. If there's a surgery to scrub in on I'll page you," Derek told her, handing over the chart before walking away.

 _How can you make someone who performs surgery every day understand how huge seemingly small surgeries can be for people? Not everyone has been on the receiving end of those surgeries and has had to think of what the patients do._

Reaching a hand up to his scalp, he threaded his fingers through his hair and traced the scar that was hidden beneath it.

"Hey!" Meredith called from a few feet away, still donning her scrub cap after finishing a surgery, "Derek," she said in a softer tone, reaching for his arm as he nearly walked past her.

He stopped quickly, dropping his hand and snapping his head toward her, "Hey, sorry," he chuckled.

"Are you ok?" she asked, concern filling her eyes.

Derek nodded, "I'm great," he smirked, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

 _He's lying. He was so far away he almost missed me, even after I called for him._

"Do you… have time for coffee?" she asked him with a smile, grabbing his hand.

"I do," he smiled, squeezing her hand as they started walking.

"Good," Meredith said, attempting to suppress a yawn.

Derek chuckled, "Tired?"

 _Waking up with the kids in the middle of the night makes the days seem_ _ **very**_ _reminiscent of being an intern._

"Yeah," she laughed before her eyes lit up and a wide smile spread across her face, "but that surgery I just got out of? Amazing," she told him excitedly.

"Was that the giant tumor?" he asked with a smirk as they jogged down the stairs.

 _Hmmm; post-successful surgery Meredith is sexy, all hyped up on endorphins._

Meredith nodded enthusiastically, "It was bigger than I thought it would be. **So** much bigger. Those scans I showed you were from yesterday morning and the thing had grown so much in just a day that it fed up and around the kidneys **and** the liver," she told him, her eyes bugging as they reached the bottom of the stairs, "I just stood in there for an hour trying to figure out how the hell I was gonna get it all out without taking 90% of her large intestine and at least one of her kidneys with it, but…" she paused, shaking her head in awe as they reached the coffee cart line.

"But you did it," Derek smirked knowingly, nudging his shoulder against hers.

 _Look at her; kicking ass and taking names._

"I did," she laughed, turning toward him as they moved forward a step, "It was amazing and intelligent and beautiful and intricate and everything you **dream** of when you're in medical school and now… now a woman gets to go home to her kids **completely** tumor free."

"Because of you," he tilted his head, sending a heart-melting smile her way as they reached the barista, "Two large coffees, please," he said with a smile, pulling his wallet out of his pocket.

"Because of science," Meredith countered, a large smile still on her face as she brought her hand to her mouth to cover a yawn.

"Thank you," Derek said as the man at the cart gave him two full cups.

"What about you? How was your morning?" she asked, taking a cup from him and moving over to the counter off the side to add cream and sugar.

"Well I didn't remove an impossible tumor," he told her, moving to do the same, "but I may be curing a woman of her seizures today."

"That's still huge," Meredith said as they turned and walked toward the sitting area just inside the hospital entrance.

"It is," he nodded, looking over at her, "I just don't know if she'll go for the surgery. It's Mrs. Kepple. Do you remember her? I clipped her aneurysm years ago."

"Isn't she the one who reminded you a little of your mom?" she asked taking a seat on a bench next to Derek.

"Mmhmm," Derek hummed, taking a long sip of his coffee, "She's nervous about having another surgery and I get it…"

 _That's why he looked weird._

"Derek," she sighed, placing a hand on his knee.

"I know, Meredith," he groaned, "I know I can't let my personal experiences interfere with work but…"

"It's hard when you know what she's feeling," Meredith nodded, "I feel the same way every time I talk to family in the waiting room."

He nodded slowly, sliding down on the bench a bit and kicking out his legs, "It's not that I don't think she should have the surgery. She should," he said, glancing toward Meredith, "but I don't want to force her hand and scare her even more."

"I know," Meredith said, rubbing a hand up and down his arm, remembering how terrified he'd been at the prospect of having another surgery after the accident.

" _Dr. Mitchell will need to go in and evacuate the residual bleed. We'll leave his skull flap off to allow for some swelling and then a couple weeks after that, he'll replace it with an artificial flap," Amelia told her sister._

" _No," Derek grunted weakly, lying in a bed in the ICU._

 _A heart monitor was attached to his chest, a bulky, white bandage wrapped around the crown of his head, his leg was in a large cast, his wrist was in a brace, an angry red mark peaked out from his hospital gown where his seatbelt had left a burn, and his face was covered in bruises and scrapes._

" _Derek," Meredith's voice cracked, bags clinging under her tired eyes, "If they don't resolve the bleed it'll cause more damage," she whispered, sitting next to his bed in a chair, her hands wrapped around his unharmed wrist and hand._

 _He swallowed thickly and let out a raspy breath, "I… know," he gritted out, "No more… surg'ry," he spat._

" _Derek you need this surgery," Amelia said sternly from a chair beside Meredith._

" _No," he said again with a sharp breath and a groan._

" _If you don't have this surgery," Meredith began slowly, taking a deep breath, "Derek without this surgery you'll die," she said, looking into his eyes._

 _Derek held her gaze and watched as tears pooled in her tired eyes. He swallowed thickly and opened his mouth a couple times, "I… could… die with it," he croaked._

" _We will_ _ **not**_ _let that happen," Amelia said sharply, "You helped me hire Mitchell, Derek, you said he reminded you of you five years ago._ _ **You**_ _trust him,_ _ **I**_ _trust him, your_ _ **wife**_ _trusts him."_

" _What would you tell your patient?" Meredith challenged him, swallowing roughly._

" _I…" Derek halted, closing his eyes for a moment, then opening them again, "I… c...can't," he murmured, "Mer," he begged._

 _I love you. I love you but I can't do this. I can't die on that table. I'm not gonna do it._

" _No," she snapped, "You don't get to choose not to fight just because you're scared," she told him, her forehead wrinkling and her chin quivering as she tried not to cry._

Derek groaned, sitting up quickly and setting his coffee next to him, rubbing his hands over his face roughly, "I'm not doing this," he shook his head with a chuckle, snatching his coffee from beside him again, "Things are good; I'm good, the kids are good, you're **fantastic** ," he said with a snort, turning on the bench, a leg folded underneath him as he faced her.

Meredith chuckled a bit nervously, "Ok," she said slowly, taking a sip of her coffee.

 _What is he on? Where did this come from?_

"I'm serious," he sighed, "and I'm sorry. That was over two years ago; I can't let every situation remotely near mine remind me of it. I don't **want** to."

"It's ok, Derek," she said softly, looking him in the eye, "It's ok to struggle with it. That was a really hard year."

Derek nodded with a sigh, "It was."

"Sometimes when you leave for a trip I feel like I'm going crazy," she admitted with a huff.

"You do?" he asked with a concerned smile, reaching to rest his hand between her shoulder blades and rubbing them slightly

Meredith nodded, "Yeah," she said, taking a deep breath and looking at him again, "The day of your accident, when you were helping those people, there was a huge chunk of time when I had no idea where you were and," she shook her head with a slight chuckle.

"That's why you make me call you before and after my flights," he said, realization evident in his voice, "I thought that was plane-crash driven."

"Well… I mean… It's both," she shrugged, fiddling with her coffee cup.

 _Wow, this conversation got dark. Let's maybe_ _ **not**_ _relive every trauma we have been through today._

"Hmmm," he hummed, "Well, either way, I will keep doing it," he promised her.

"Good," she nodded with a smile, "thank you."

He tilted his head, returning her smile, "So how's Cristina?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"She's… Cristina," Meredith nodded with a laugh, "She and Ross are sex friends again."

Derek's eyes widened, "Well… good for them?" he asked slowly.

"Oh yes," she snorted a laugh, shaking her head, "she seems to think so."

"That's all that matters," Derek shrugged with a chuckle.

Meredith nodded slowly, staring off into the hustle of the hospital for a moment.

 _How did the two of us end up in_ _ **such**_ _different places? If our intern year had taught us anything, I would have thought that we'd be closer; geographically and emotionally.  
_ _But so much has happened. You have both been through a lot, separately and together._

"What's up?" Derek asked, his voice pulling her from her daydream, squeezing one of her shoulders.

"Nothing," she breathed, shaking her head to clear her mind and throwing him a smile, "It's just," she shrugged, "Our lives are so different, you know? Mine and Cristina's. I guess I thought they'd be more similar," Meredith admitted.

"Hmmm," he hummed in response, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's not good **or** bad. It's just… the way it is. She loves her life," Meredith told him before making eye contact with him again, "and I love **my** life with you," she smiled softly.

Derek smiled and nodded in understanding, "They're just very different lives," he finished for her.

"They are," she sighed, grasping onto his leg and moving closer.

Leaning down, Derek brought the hand that was resting on her shoulder blades to the side of her head as he kissed her cheek.

Meredith turned her head and smiled at him, placing a soft kiss on his lips, "I love you," she softly.

 _And I promise that even though I just made it seem for a second that I didn't like our life; I do. I really, really do._

"I love you too," he whispered back, kissing her again as his pager went off, "Keppel's room; she's made a decision, I better go," he said with an apologetic smile, kissing her cheek before standing.

 _I hope he's ok; really ok and not just trying to force it. He's been so happy and I hate the idea of that changing all because of a patient._

* * *

"I see him!" Bailey shouted happily, darting toward the glass and holding his hands against it, "Mama, I see ferryboats!" he told her excitedly, bouncing a little, turning to look at Meredith as she walked further into the gallery with Ellis on her hip.

"There he is," she nodded with a smile, taking a seat in the front row.

Bailey whipped around and scurried into a seat next to her, "I wanna say hi," he told her.

"We can say hi later," Meredith promised, smoothing a hand over his hair as Ellis lounged back against her chest, "He's focusing right now. Brain surgery is a tricky business."

Bailey nodded, sitting on his knees and stretching his neck to look through the glass at his dad.

"I thought I saw some familiar faces bolting in here," Maggie called from the door with a smile.

"We're watchin' daddy," Bailey told her with a bright smile as she came to sit by him.

"Woah, that's so cool," she said as he climbed over into her lap, "I heard about your surgery this morning," Maggie raised her eyebrows toward Meredith.

"You did?" she laughed and turned her head to glance at her, bouncing Ellie on her lap.

She scoffed, hugging Bailey closer, "Everyone did, that thing was a monster, Mer."

"It was," Meredith sighed happily.

 _The_ _ **perfect**_ _monster._

"The residents are freaking out about your streak."

"My streak?" she asked, her face screwing in confusion.

"You haven't lost a patient in 91 surgeries. How do you not know that?" Maggie asked, shaking her head as she looked down into the OR.

Meredith shrugged, "I mean I knew I hadn't lost one in a while, but 91? Really?"

 _That's 91 people. 91 happier families. 91 times you've operated. That's_ _ **a lot**_ _of surgery._

"Yes, really," Maggie laughed.

"What's daddy doin'?" Bailey asked, pointing to the glass.

"He's cutting into someone's brain," Maggie told him, excitement lacing her voice, "Right now, he's getting ready to cut their corpus callosum."

He scrunched his little nose, "Corpse close 'em?"

"It's the part that connects the two pieces of your brain," she told him, "It's right here," she said, drawing a line across the top of his head to show him.

"Why?"

"To help her feel better," Meredith offered with a smile, "The lady daddy's operating on was really sick.; she couldn't leave her house, but now she'll be able to."

"Dada, dada, dada," Ellis babbled, blowing raspberries and reaching her arms toward the glass.

"She can go outside now?" Bailey asked excitedly.

Meredith nodded toward him with a smile, "Do you see your daddy down there?" she asked Ellis, lifting her to her feet, kissing her chubby cheek as she did.

"So Amy seems awfully tired today," Maggie offered with a sly smile.

Meredith just rolled her eyes, "Yeah well she and Owen were baking cookies, in **my** kitchen at 3:30 this morning."

"Cookies?"

"To re-energize," Meredith said in a fake-cheery voice as she forced a smile.

Maggie shrugged, "Personally; I usually go for a protein bar. It has more nutrients and it lasts longer."

Meredith snorted a laugh shook her head, "Maybe I should buy them a box and through it in her room. I'm pretty sure they're what woke Bailey **and** Ellie up last night."

"We slept in the **big** bed," Bailey informed her happily, laying his head against her collarbone.

"You did?" she whispered in his ear, rubbing a hand over his stomach.

"They did," Meredith sighed, rolling her eyes, "We were too tired to fight it," she said as Ellis plopped back onto her lap, "Derek and I played hooky yesterday," she told her with a smirk.

Maggie laughed and looked over at her sister, "Are you 12?"

"The things we did were **not** appropriate for 12-year-olds," Meredith giggled, "Hence the tiredness."

Her sister groaned, "I did not need to know that."

"You're ok with talking about Amelia and Owen but not a married couple?"

"Not when that married couple consists of my brother and sister," she winced, "I know it happens, it **obviously** happens," she gestured between the kids, "but, I just… I have to sit at the dinner table Friday night **surrounded** by all of you. By myself," she rolled her eyes.

"Richard will be there," Meredith laughed, looking back toward Derek as he began cutting the fibers.

"That makes everything **so** much better," she rolled her eyes with a groan, "I'll be surrounded by my father **and** a bunch of couples."

"You could… see if Jackson wants to come," Meredith offered with a shrug, playing with Ellie's foot.

Maggie glanced at Meredith and then back toward the OR again, "I don't know if we're…" she sighed, "You're **all** friends with April. It makes me uncomfortable."

"Is that why nothing has happened between you two yet?"

"No," she defended quickly, "I mean… things have happened, but…"

"Maggie," Meredith sighed, "We love you, you're our sister. Sister trumps friend; if you want to bring Jackson with you to dinner Friday night you can."

"Thank you, I'll think about it."

"Good," Meredith nodded with a smile, "If you do decide to bring him just know that Derek **will** get protective and grill him. He has a lot of sisters. It's what he does."

"He's friends with Jackson," Maggie argued as Bailey played with her finger, his eyes still transfixed by what was going on in the OR.

"He's friends with Owen too and the first week he knew about him and Amelia, Owen was terrified of him. It's even worse because he knows so much about them," Meredith told her with a laugh.

"Great," she groaned, "he and Richard at the same table would be…"

"Hilarious," Meredith offered with a smirk.

Maggie snorted, "That's not what I was thinking," she said as Bailey got down off of her lap and pressed his hands against the glass of the gallery window again.

"Bailey, keep your hands off the glass please," Meredith told him, giving him a pointed look as he whined.

"Fine," he pouted, bringing his hands to his sides.

Maggie sighed heavily, "I'll text you and let you know," she promised, shifting in her seat, "Bye cutie," she cooed, kissing Ellis' cheek quickly, eliciting a giggle from the baby as she grabbed for her hair.

"Thursday night at the latest," Meredith told her, "We need to get enough food for everyone."

"OK," she responded, getting up out of her seat and brushing her hand over Bailey's hair as she walked out, "Bye buddy."

"Buh-bye," he smiled, turning his head for a moment.

Meredith lifted Ellie to her feet again and spun her to face her, kissing her cheeks, "Auntie Maggie does not know what she's in for," she told the baby, raising her eyebrows.

"Uh-oh!" Ellis squealed loudly with a cheesy smile as she dropped her bunny.

 _Hopefully 'uh-oh' won't apply for this dinner Friday night.  
_ _Bring Jackson to dinner! It'll be fun!  
_ _Dammit, Meredith, it won't be fun. It'll be awkward as hell.  
_ _Derek and Richard_ _will_ _grill him and glare at him and make him feel uncomfortable.  
_ _Owen and Amelia will be making sexy eyes at each other the whole time.  
_ _Alex and Jo with most-likely end up bickering about something.  
_ _You'll be sitting there sending Jackson apologetic looks and whispering with Maggie while you drink too much damn wine.  
_ _The kids will definitely start some kind of food fight with each other.  
_ _Why did you start this Friday night dinner thing again?  
_ _Right, family. Family is important._

* * *

 **I'm glad to hear you're loving the story! A couple of you have commented that you'd like to see flashbacks to Derek's recovery just as I was writing the one in this story! I'm glad that's something you'd like to see and I'll definitely keep your wishes in mind and weave some more in here!**

 _ **Patsy:** Hahaha, I'm glad you enjoyed the 'sexcapades', the cookie scene was a fun one to write, that's for sure! I'm so glad you're loving this story, thank you for your continued feedback! {P.S. there is hope for endings to both Puzzle Pieces & This is Not the End, they may take a while, but there are hopes!}_

 _ **Andrijana:** I'm so glad to know you're liking this story so much, thank you! Happy family scenes were always my favorite :) I hope you enjoy the flashback in this chapter, there will be more to come!_

 _ **Guests:** I appreciate all the love and support you're showing for this story greatly. **THANK YOU!**  
_ _ **{** There was one guest who commented that they'd lost chapter 2 in the middle. Was that a transition flaw on my part or a technical glitch? If it is a transition flaw, I'll definitely pay closer attention in the future! **}**_

 **Thank you, thank you, thank you for your feedback! I appreciate you!**


	4. The Dream

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.**

 **Read.  
Hopefully, enjoy.  
Review if you'd like.**

* * *

" _Hey," Meredith whispered, walking into Derek's room._

 _He blinked sleepily, and turned his head toward her slowly, "Hi," he croaked, a ghost of a smile on his face._

 _Taking a seat in the chair beside his bed, Meredith smiled softly, the rhythmic noises of the machines surrounding him easing her mind._

" _How's the pain?"_

" _Seven."_

" _That's… better."_

" _How're you?" he asked her, his hand moving slowly to cover hers._

" _Oh I'm fine," she told him with a tired smile._

" _Don't lie to me."_

" _I'm not lying," she promised._

" _Meredith," he grunted._

" _Derek," she sighed, "I'm tired, I've slept in a real bed twice this week, the kids miss you, they sleep in our bed almost every night, but you're alive. You were hit by a truck and you're alive," she breathed, staring past his bed and out the window, "So I'm not good… but I'm also not horrible. I'm fine," she said sternly._

 _Derek squeezed her hand weakly, "Bring them here," he told her._

" _Derek, I can't," she shook her head softly, "They aren't allowed in here and even if they were, they'd be terrified. It's only been a few days since your surgery," she reminded him, "and you're in no shape to have kids crawling all over you."_

" _I want to… see them," he told her, his eyes shining, "I want to," he gasped, "see my kids," he finished, his breathing was becoming irregular and an alarm from one of the previously comforting machines began to blare._

" _Derek?" Meredith asked desperately as nurses ran in, "Derek? Derek, open your eyes. Open your eyes," she begged him, tears clouding her vision._

" _Dr. Grey…" a nurse began to say, pulling her away as a crash team flooded around him._

" _Derek," she cried, her breathing becoming erratic as she looked helplessly from the medical personnel to her husband's lifeless form, "Derek," she called out again, her voice catching a sob as a nurse held her back and she watched Derek's body convulse with a charge._

"Meredith," Derek said sleepily, nudging his wife as she whimpered in her sleep.

Her breathing escalated and a sob breached her lips, "Derek," she whimpered.

 _Something's wrong._

Derek's eyes snapped open and he blinked groggily, propping himself on his side, "Wake up, Meredith, wake up," he called, shaking her lightly, "It's just a dream," he promised her softly, "Meredith," he called a little louder as her sobs grew.

He moved the comforter off of her sweaty form and straddled her, bringing his hands to her neck, "Meredith, it's ok, Meredith."

With the last call of her name, her eyes snapped open and her breath hitched, "Derek," she whimpered as their eyes met before dissolving into sobs again and lunging up to wrap her arms around his neck.

"It's ok," he breathed, closing his eyes as she sobbed into him, "I'm right here," he promised her, falling onto his back again and taking her with him.

"I… you…" she cried as her breaths continued quickly and sharply.

"Shhh," he murmured into her hair as she lay on top of him, clutching his arms, "Take a deep breath," he told her softly, "Meredith, take a deep breath," he said again, slowly.

Meredith shook her head against his chest, "I… can't… I…," she sobbed.

"Yes you can," he told her, tenderly cradling her head, "Shhh, listen, just listen," he told her, rubbing a hand over her back, "Can you hear my heart beating?"

She gasped, nodding her head a bit.

Derek hugged one arm around her tightly and let the other one rest on her head, holding her close to his chest, "That means I'm here. I'm ok."

Meredith nodded again and after just a couple minutes, her breathing began to slow and she released a shaky sigh, "You're… ok," she croaked, reminding herself.

"I'm ok," he sighed kissing the top of her head, "Do you wanna talk about it?" he whispered into her hair.

"No," she said, her voice cracking as she held onto him tighter, taking another deep, shaky breath.

 _Don't make me think about it again. Just stay here, let me hold onto you and hear your heartbeat and feel your warm breath against my head. Let me remember you're alive._

* * *

 _Tonight there will be 13 people, including the kids, huddled around our dinner table. 13 people. This is insane. Shepherd-family insane… almost._

"Hey, Derek," Owen said, poking his head in his office, "Do you have a sec?"

Derek looked up from his computer, "Yeah, what's up?"

"I want to… talk to you about something," he said, taking a seat in a chair across from Derek and leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah… yes," Owen smiled, "More than ok actually, that's why I want to talk to you."

Derek nodded slowly, confusion evident on his face as he leaned back in his chair.

Owen cleared his throat and glanced at the floor before looking Derek in the eye, "So Amelia and I have been doing really well…"

"I've heard," Derek snorted a laugh, "You practically live in my house and you screw like bunnies."

Owen chuckled, "Yeah, well," he shrugged, "We love each other, which is why I need to ask you something."

 _He wouldn't be thinking… I mean they sure do love each other… or at least having sex with each other._

"I wanted to…" Owen sat up straight and cleared his throat, "You're Amy's brother and in a lot of ways, you've taken care of her like a father," he began.

 _He is, he's gonna do it._

"So what I wanted to ask you was…" he stuttered a bit nervously and chuckled, "I want to ask Amelia to marry me and I need to know that you'd support it if I did."

Derek's eyes widened and he blinked, a smile playing on his face.

 _Whoop, there it is._

He chuckled a bit and shook his head, "Wow, I mean… that's **great** ," he nodded, "Are you sure you're ready for this again?" he asked honestly.

"Positive," Owen nodded, raising his eyebrows.

 _They've been together for a while. He's a good guy.  
_ _But, he cheated on Cristina.  
_ _But, those were… interesting circumstances.  
_ _He's only ever been anything other than good to Amy._

"Yeah," Derek nodded slowly, thoughtfully.

Owen looked at him in surprise, "Is that a yes? Do I… have your blessing?"

Derek chuckled, "You do," he nodded again, standing up and walking around his desk.

"Thank you," Owen sighed, his body sagging a bit in obvious relief as he stood and shook Derek's hand.

Derek pulled him in for a quick hug and nodded, still smiling, "Welcome to the family," he told him, smacking his shoulder a couple times.

Owen chuckled, "Thanks," he said, making his way toward the door.

"Hey, Owen?" Derek said, shoving his hands in his lab coat, "You cheat on her; I'll kill you," he promised, the smile falling from his face as he gave him a pointed look.

"Right," he swallowed thickly before walking out the door.

"Hmm," Derek huffed, raising his eyebrows as he nodded before turning around and resuming his work.

 _Way to go, that was brotherly and intimidating, but_ _ **still**_ _nice and welcoming._

* * *

 _You've spent most of this meeting ignoring it, just rip off the band-aid and say something before Derek does._

"I had the dream again last night," Meredith admitted as she sat next to Derek on their therapist's couch.

"The dream?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as she sat cross-legged in a chair across from them.

Meredith drew in a deep breath and nodded, looking down at her hands, "The one where he dies," she expanded quietly, her eyes darting to Derek only for a moment.

Derek placed his hand on her thigh, "It was pretty bad," he said, glancing at Meredith, "It took me a while to wake her up," he said, looking back to the therapist.

She nodded and wrote a few things down, "How are you feeling about it now? Did it affect you throughout the day?"

"Not really," she told her honestly, "I don't think I was distracted at all. I did text him more than usual, but we're having a dinner party tonight at our house and…"

"Do you think you've been using that as an excuse?"

"No," Meredith defended, rolling her eyes, "It was just a dream."

"A very real dream from the sounds of it."

"Yes, but…" she laughed, "I… I mean a lot has happened and… I'm fine," she said sternly.

Derek looked at the two women with a sigh.

"What is it, Derek?" the therapist questioned.

He shook his head a bit and bit his lip, "Nothing," he started, "I just… it's just hard seeing you like that and knowing…" he looked over at Meredith and smiled sadly, "I feel guilty," he admitted with a shrug, "If I had never taken that job, I never would have been on the road that day and none of that would have happened."

"I don't blame you, Derek," Meredith told him, looking him in the eye and grabbing his hand.

"I know," he nodded, glancing down at their entwined hands.

"But you blame yourself," Dr. Kreft told him.

Derek nodded, fighting back tears and smiling sadly at Meredith again, "I'm sorry," he breathed.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Meredith told him, her brow furrowing in concern.

"I think that this is an important opportunity for the two of you to finally discuss the aftermath of everything you've experienced. You've gone a long time just getting through the next thing that's thrown your way," she continued knowingly.

"What are you saying?" Meredith asked, a bit confused.

Dr. Kreft smiled, "I'm saying that what I've seen from the two of you today and in the last couple session we've had is that you're learning to communicate your feelings and help each other through them," she began.

Meredith leaned into Derek, he stroked her knuckles as their hands remained interlocked.

"One of the things I'd like you to focus on for next week is finding ways to not only discuss these emotions when they come up but to help each other prevent them from erupting in such difficult ways," she informed them, "So, check in with each other throughout the day, have a quick conversation before bed about the hard stuff. Find some ways to reassure each other you're ok."

"Ok," Meredith breathed, glancing between her husband and Dr. Kreft.

Derek nodded in agreement and offered a soft smile.

Dr. Kreft smiled, "Perhaps after a while of focusing on these tasks, Meredith's dreams and Derek's anxiousness with driving will improve so more," she offered, gesturing between them.

"That would be good," Derek sighed.

Meredith nodded in agreement, looking over at Derek and studying the expression on his face.

"Alright," Dr. Kreft sighed happily, "I think you're making some great progress," she assured them, "Work on that and I'll see you next week."

 _It's not his fault. I_ _ **hate**_ _that he feels guilty and I hate that these stupid dreams haven't stopped. It's been so long. It's not fair; to him or to me._

"Derek," she sighed, stopping in the hallway to turn toward him as they walked away from the office, "I'm sorry, about last night, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," he told her, tilting his head, "You have no reason to be sorry."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "But I do," she breathed, "because things are **good** ," she smiled softly, "They're **so** good and these stupid dreams just make it all…"

"Meredith," he told her, his brow furrowing with a sad smile, "You can't control them and even if you could hide them from me, I wouldn't want you to."

"Well I don't want you to hide feeling guilty from me," she told him seriously, "You can't control that either, but just because you don't wake up in the middle of the night sobbing doesn't mean we can just not talk about it."

Derek sighed and closed his eyes as he nodded his head, "Ok," he said, opening his eyes and smiling at her.

"Ok," she nodded before a smirk made its way on her face, "You know what the homework means?"

"What?" he laughed.

"At the dinner tonight," she said slowly, " **You** can keep me from ripping my hair out and **I** can keep you from torturing Jackson."

Derek snorted a laugh, "It won't be that bad."

Meredith gave him a pointed look and laughed nervously.

"If anything, we'll keep the kids up a little later, everyone loves them, they're a good buffer to make people nicer," he joked.

Meredith smiled, "Ooh I like that idea," she said excitedly before giving him a suggestive look.

"What?" he laughed.

"Then they'll sleep in tomorrow and you and I can have some alone time," she told him, raising her eyebrows.

"I like the way you think," he told her with a smile and leaned in to kiss her.

" **But** ," she said, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him away, "You have a surgery in twenty."

"I do," he smiled.

"You do," she nodded, "Are you good?" she sighed.

 _Checking in: rule of the week. Killin' it._

"I'm good," he nodded, "I'm still worried about you, but I'm good," he told her honestly.

"Well, I'm **great** ," she told him seriously, "You don't have to worry. We just spent an hour together, that helps," she shrugged.

"Good."

"I'll see you later," she promised with a soft smile, placing a hand on his shoulder and kissing his cheek before walking away.

 _She's good. Meredith's good. Last night was just one rough night. She's communicating and smiling and… good.  
_ _Two years can feel like an eternity sometimes, but other times, it can feel like yesterday. It was over a year before I had completely recovered, that coupled with the insanity of having another baby made those years fly._

* * *

"Ok Zozo, you and Bailey get to eat at the tea party table, isn't that cool?" Derek asked her, lacing his voice with excitement as he carried her plate of food in one hand and Ellis in the other.

Zola trailed behind her dad, "I wanna eat with the grownups!"

Derek set her plate down at the small table, "There's not enough room up there," he told her sadly, "you and your brother can have this one all to yourself," he told her with a grin.

"Ellie gets to sit by you," Zola groaned sadly.

"Sit by me," Bailey told her sweetly, raising his hands in the air.

Derek smiled at Bailey and crouched down next to Zola, letting the baby walk toward some toys, "Ellie's too little to sit over here," he told Zola.

"But Daddy I'm little," she whined.

"No you're not," he told her excitedly, "You're a big girl. **You** are the big sister. You're the **biggest** kid here," he grinned, tickling her belly.

Zola giggled and nodded, "I'm the **big** sister," she said, hurrying over to sit next to Bailey.

"Hi, Zo!" Bailey cheered, "More water please?" he asked, holding his cup out to Derek.

Derek smiled and grabbed the cup, "I'll be right back," he promised, moving to scoop Ellis and her toy off the ground before going back into the kitchen.

"The kids are seated and mostly happy," Derek informed Meredith as he entered the kitchen again.

"What about Bailey and Zola?" she joked with a smirk, glancing over at the noisy dinner table and then to the little table her kids were at.

"Very funny," Derek rolled his eyes, unscrewing the top of Bailey's cup.

"Dada, me," Ellis grunted, reaching for Bailey's cup.

"No, no," Derek told her softly, shifting her on his hip and stretching away, "This is your brother's"

"Dada'," the baby started to cry.

"Alright," Meredith sighed, grabbing the basket full of bread she'd just finished cutting, "I think we're all set."

"Good," Derek smiled, screwing the cap back onto Bailey's cup and turning to grab Ellis' off the counter, "Can you say 'thank you'?" he cooed, handing over the sippy cup, "and you didn't burn the bread," he cheered with a grin, glancing into the basket.

"Shut-up," Meredith snorted a laugh, rolling her eyes as she walked past him.

Derek just laughed and dropped off Bailey's water, checking on him and Zola before getting the baby settled into her highchair.

"I'm just saying," Amelia said loudly, "I have favorites, everyone has favorites; you're not supposed to, but ya do."

"I don't have favorites," Maggie said defensively, taking a bite of a carrot, " **I** like to share the wealth."

"Yeah right," Amelia snorted.

"Oh come on, Maggie," Jackson laughed, "You have favorites, I **know** you do."

"I do not," she said sternly.

Richard shook his head and shot Catherine an eyeroll.

"Webber, I know you had favorites," Owen chuckled, "Don't roll your eyes."

"Favoritism is not fair," Richard attempted to argue, "It doesn't do anyone any good."

Alex snorted from the other end of the table, "Except Meredith."

"Hey!" she laughed.

"What?" he shrugged, "You got a house and three kids out of the deal."

Derek snorted, shaking his head in amusement, "Want some mashed potatoes?" he whispered to Ellis, attempting to spoon them into her mouth, "Come on, they're yummy."

"I only got the house and the kids after Derek and I stopped working together," Meredith informed him with a laugh, peering toward Bailey and Zola.

"Ok, but you **can** have favorites that have nothing to do with sex," Amelia said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, ok," Jackson muttered.

"Hey! Edwards was my favorite for a long time," she argued, "and not once did we sleep together."

"Can we **not** talk about favorites?" Jo interjected, "Not that I don't love hearing about how much you love all of my friends," she said, rolling her eyes sassily.

"I think that's a great idea," Derek added with a smile, "but I do have to say, Wilson you have kicked a-s-s in neuro all week," he said, catching Ellie's cup before it flew off of her highchair.

Alex snorted, "Glad you can spell a…"

Jo kicked him under the table, "Thank you, Dr. Shepherd," she said with a slightly forced smile.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"How is it that you're friends with people who have kids but you have zero understanding of how to talk around them?" Jo asked, glaring at him before taking a bite of her food.

"He's never been the smartest," Meredith offered.

"You love me," Alex gruffed with a smirk.

"We deal with it," she shrugged, "You're like a leech, once you latch, you're hard to shake off."

"I can agree with that," Jo nodded, receiving a glare from her boyfriend.

"So, Avery," Derek began with a smirk.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

 _Here we go._

"Mama," Bailey's voice came from next to Meredith just as Derek launched a question, "I have to go potty," he whispered loudly.

Meredith smiled and pushed away from the table, "Ok, come on," she said, holding out her hand for him as she stood. 'Be nice,' she mouthed to Derek before turning and leaving.

 _I'm_ _ **being**_ _nice, it's just an innocent question about where he sees himself in the future._

"Well, I'd have to admit, I haven't put much thought into it, but I don't see myself leaving Grey-Sloan anytime soon," Jackson said, confusion evident on his face.

"Derek," Maggie said warningly.

 _I knew this would happen. The 'what are your intentions' questions are_ _ **just**_ _beginning._

Derek chuckled, "It was an honest question."

Owen snorted, "This is entertaining when I'm not the one getting grilled," he muttered into Amelia's ear.

"How's Harriett doing?" Derek asked.

"Great… uh, she's growing like a weed, you know how it goes," Jackson offered with a nervous laugh.

"Oh I sure do," Derek nodded with a smile, "Do you… Have you thought about whether you'd like to have more kids?" he asked, glancing over to check on Zola.

"Oh," Jackson choked out in surprise, "Uh, no… I haven't thought about that much either."

"Well you've got time," Derek smiled, "Having kids close in age is hectic… it's nice, but it can get crazy," he laughed, "The age gap between Zola and Ellis is great though, Zola's getting old enough that she's a big help."

"And, of course," Amelia interjected, sending a glare in Derek's direction, "It's up to you **and** your partner, whoever that may be, as to whether or not that happens at all."

"Of course it is, Meredith and I have had a lot of conversations about kids over the years," he offered, taking a bite.

Jackson cleared his throat, "It'll definitely… be a discussion," he said, casting a quick glance toward Maggie.

"You know, I would just **love** more grandbabies," Catherine interjected, "I think big families are great. Watching little Zola with her brother and sister is so precious," she smiled, giving Jackson a look.

"Mom," Jackson groaned.

"We would have plenty of room for visitors at the new house," Richard offered.

"You're buying a house?" Derek asked, raising his eyebrows as he helped Ellie eat a few more bites.

"We are," Catherine smiled, reaching a hand to squeeze Richard's.

"Who's doing what?" Meredith asked with a smile as she walked back into the room with Bailey on her hip.

"Catherine and Richard are buying a house," Derek informed her as she let Bailey down to go back to his table and sat back down next to him.

"You are? That's great news," she smiled.

"It is pretty exciting," Richard smiled, "Meredith," he began again, "I heard about your streak. Congratulations," he cheered.

Meredith laughed, "Thank you, but I've been trying not to talk about it," she said.

"She doesn't want to jinx it," Derek offered, taking a sip of wine.

"Every time someone mentions it in the OR, a couple residents do a handshake to ward off bad luck," Jo offered.

"That's...," Jackson began.

"Odd," Owen finished.

Jo shrugged, "Has she lost a patient?" she asked, "Didn't think so."

"Everyone has a superstition in the OR," Derek rolled his eyes.

Amelia laughed, "Oh yes, it's **always** a 'beautiful day to save lives'," she mocked him.

"Or night," he retorted, glaring at her with a smirk as Ellis started whining to get down.

"Addison had her cups of good juju," Meredith offered.

"How do you know about that?" Amelia asked curiously.

"She juju-ed me my intern year and has every time she's come to visit," she snorted a laugh.

"Addie doesn't juju interns."

"We really don't have to explain to you why she made an exception," Derek chuckled, standing and pulling the baby out of her highchair, "Should we go clean you up?" he cooed, kissing her cheek and making his way to the kitchen.

"Daddy!" Zola called, getting up from her table and following him.

"Who's Addison?" Jo asked.

"Derek's ex-wife," Alex offered, "she banged his best friend, Derek ran out here, he banged Mer, wife showed up, he went back to her, wife jujus intern."

"Right," Jo nodded, a look of surprise on her face.

 _Ok so this isn't_ _ **so**_ _bad, it's fun and not_ _ **that**_ _awkward. No one has punched anyone, no kids have screamed, all in all, I'd call_ _ **that**_ _a win._

* * *

Meredith sighed as the last of their friends left. She shut the front door and leaned against it, closing her eyes for a moment.

"It wasn't **that** bad," Derek chuckled, rinsing off the rest of the dishes and dispensing them in the dishwasher.

"No," Meredith agreed, pushing herself off of the door, "No, it was good."

"Jo's surprisingly good with Karev," Derek said, obviously impressed.

Meredith laughed as she walked over to the table to adjust the chairs, "She is. She's good for him."

"Hmmm," Derek smiled, glancing at Meredith before closing the dishwasher.

"I think," she started, walking up to him, "That it's homework time."

"Homework time?" Derek snorted a laugh.

"Homework time," Meredith nodded with a smile, "So," she began, taking a seat on a chair at the island, "How was the drive home?

Derek chuckled and shook his head, but tossed the dishtowel aside and moved closer, leaning against the island near the corner her chair was placed at and crossed his arms with a sigh, "It was… fine," he conceded.

"You got nervous at the intersection next to the hospital," she said to him softly.

 _His voice got tight while he was talking to Bailey._

"I…" he sighed then shrugged, "I got a little nervous, I didn't think that car would stop in time," he admitted.

 _The constant replays of watching a semi crash into you were enough to cause a few nightmares and if that weren't enough, constantly imagining the worst case scenario on the road caused a shudder or two on the ride home.  
_

"I know," she smiled.

"But," he smiled brightly, "It didn't last the whole time and I've been good all night."

 _Telling her you're fine isn't a lie. The nervousness had truly died down substantially._

"You have been," Meredith agreed, "but I'll try to do better so you don't have to get nervous at all," she promised.

"You're a great driver," Derek said defensively, "That's not what I'm saying…"

"There's always room for improvement and I'm supposed to try to help you feel better so let me," she laughed.

"Fine," he rolled his eyes before tilting his head and smiling at her, "What about you?"

"I don't want to go to bed," Meredith admitted, fiddling with her watch and avoiding his eyes, "but I know that..." she sighed and laughed half-heartedly, "I know it's not real and that if it happens again, I'll wake up and you'll be here."

"I will be," he nodded, his brow furrowed in concern, "What can I do?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as he questioned, he placed a hand on her arm.

Meredith shook her head and made eye contact with him, "I don't know," she said softly.

Derek sighed heavily and pushed himself off the counter. He moved closer and placed his hands on her arms before leaning in to kiss her forehead.

"Just… be here and be you," she told him, "That's all I can think of," she said, moving to wrap her arms around his waist.

"Ok," he murmured into her hair, pulling her close.

"Hmmm," she hummed, "You know," Meredith began softly, "I think we've been doing such a great job with our homework; we deserve a reward."

"A reward?" Derek chuckled, pulling away just enough to look her in the eye.

Meredith raised her eyebrows, "Yes, Dr. Shepherd, a reward," she told him, threading a hand through his hair and pulling his face to hers, their lips crashing together.

* * *

 **This chapter was a little less kid-dense and a bit more serious, but I hope you enjoyed it!**

 **THANK YOU again to all of you who have reviewed, I was not expecting such great feedback when I initially began this story. Thank you, SO much!**


	5. Family Weekend

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.**

 **Read.  
** **Hopefully, enjoy.  
Review if you'd like.**

* * *

"Where's Zola?" Bailey asked, jumping up and down excitedly as he stood next to his mom and little sister.

"Over there," Meredith told him, squatting down and letting Ellis stand in front of her as she pointed her out, "Look for the number seven," she told him.

"I see her!" he cheered.

"That's it," Derek called out from the other side of the field, "Good job girls," he cheered from the sidelines.

Meredith looked over at him and smiled, standing up again, "Mama," Ellis called, reaching her arms up to her mom.

 _He looks so happy. Coach Derek has a nice ring to it too._

"Keep going, Zola!" Derek yelled as she hurried her way down the field with the ball, only a couple feet from the net. She stopped for a moment, set her foot, and kicked it. The ball soared into the net and she jumped up and down as Derek cheered.

"Zola got a goal," Meredith told Bailey, "Good job, Zo," she called out, clapping her hands as she watched Zola bolt toward her dad, Ellis mimicked her claps and squealed.

"You did it!" Derek cheered as he caught her and tossed her in the air before hugging her close, "Good job," he told her with a bright grin before setting her down, "You **all** did such a great job today," he said, looking around at the other girls.

"Mama let's go see 'em," Bailey told her, pulling on her arm.

"Ok," Meredith laughed, walking across the field as Derek talked to the team and sent them toward their parents.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy," Zola said, running toward her, "I made a goal!" she said excitedly.

"I saw it, way to go," Meredith said with a laugh, hugging the little girl to her with her free arm.

"You did it!" Bailey squeaked, crashing into his sister and giving her a tight hug.

"Hey Coach," Meredith called as Derek walked over, "Good game."

Derek chuckled as he walked up to them, "It was great," he nodded, rubbing Zola's head.

"Seeya later Derek, thanks again," one of the dads said as he passed by with his kids.

"Have a good day," Derek nodded with a smile before turning back to his family, "I have an idea," he said with a bright smile, "Why don't we go get ice cream?"

"Yeah!" Zola said, jumping up and down.

"Icecream!" Bailey yelled as Derek swooped him into his arms.

Meredith smiled as she led her family toward their car and Derek came close, locking his fingers in hers.

 _How did this happen? A girl and a guy in a bar ending up married with three kids.  
_ _This is your family, this is your home._

* * *

"I mean I didn't think it was horrible," Maggie sighed, cradling her cell between her cheek and her shoulder as stretched out on an on-call room bed.

Meredith chuckled, leaning back in her office chair, "It wasn't," she agreed, tapping her pen against a pad of paper as she swiveled back and forth, "Jackson handled the questioning very well."

The younger sister rolled her eyes, "Yeah, well, he didn't really have a choice."

"Hey," Meredith laughed, "They went easy on him last night, if he can't take that, he'll never survive in this family."

"I don't know if I **want** him to survive this family," Maggie admitted softly.

"What do you mean?"

Maggie released another sigh and rubbed her forehead, "It's just… I don't know, It's all so new and odd and Derek's questions about kids…"

"Ok that one was a little intrusive," Meredith conceded, "but he already has a child, Maggie."

"I know that," she said defensively, "I know he has a kid which is part of the reason I'm freaking out. I don't know if I want kids of my own let alone someone else's."

"It's a huge responsibility," Meredith nodded, "and it's your call, but you **are** great with my kids."

Maggie snorted a laugh, "That's because I'm the aunt who plays around with them. The second they cry or stink, I hand them off to you or Derek."

"That's true," Meredith smiled, laughing slightly, "You never really know until you're in it."

"Know what?"

"That it's possible to love someone that much," she said softly, "I didn't believe in true love or happy families before I met Derek," she smiled, glancing at the picture of her family she kept on her desk from the day Ellis was born.

"What changed?" Maggie whispered, her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Meredith shook her head in amusement, "Derek is a very persistent guy," she told her sister, "and he was patient… for the most part. I fell in love with him and… it was a kind of love that I'd never felt before and I still haven't felt for anyone else."

"What about the kids."

"That's a whole other kind of love," Meredith laughed, "I know that people always say they love their kids more than anything, and I do, except their dad."

Maggie snorted, "So in the hierarchy of things you love Derek's above the kids?"

Meredith nodded, "I think so, which makes me sound like a terrible mother, but… if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have them and when they grow up and leave us, he'll still be here."

"Hmmm, that's all very interesting, don't get me wrong, but what does that have to do with my situation?"

"Well," she began slowly.

"You forgot, didn't you?" Maggie asked matter of factly, "You started talking about your perfect husband and the perfect little family you have with him and you forgot about your poor, miserable…"

"Shut up," Meredith laughed, "What I meant was, when you find the right person, you'll know, I can't explain how or why, but you'll know. It took me a long time to realize that Derek was the one, but…"

"Now you're just 'so blessed'," Maggie mocked, rolling her eyes.

"I am," she smirked, "so blessed."

"So you think I should wait it out?"

"I think you should go with your gut."

"You basically just told me that you were in love with Derek for a long time and you just didn't know it and you want me to go with my gut?" Maggie asked her.

Meredith raised her eyebrows, "Hey, we broke up a lot before we actually got married if that's the way you want to go, it isn't final."

Maggie groaned, "This conversation has not helped at all."

"Oh, it has," Meredith nodded with a smirk as Zola poked her head around the doorframe and she gestured her in.

"Whatever."

"Trust me," Meredith told her, kissing Zola's cheek as she climbed onto her lap, "When you know, you'll remember this conversation."

"I don't believe you but I love you and I appreciate you trying," Maggie told her with a laugh.

Meredith chuckled and shook her head a bit, "Take your nap, sleep on it, you'll know what to do," she assured her.

"Fine," Maggie said indignantly, "Say hi to the perfect family for me."

"I will," Meredith laughed, "Goodbye, Maggie," she said, hanging up and tossing her phone onto her desk, "How are you?" she asked Zola, looking down at her.

"Good," Zola said happily, turning her head up to look at her mom as she played with the watch on her wrist, "Are you done workin'? Daddy and I are gonna watch a movie."

"I can be done," Meredith smiled.

Zola hopped off of her lap excitedly, "Yay!" she cheered.

"Not too loud or you'll wake up your brother and sister," Meredith told her, "and then we'll have some cranky kids on our hands."

"Sorry," Zola said, smiling warily as she grabbed her mom's hand and they made their way out of the office and toward the living room.

* * *

"Mmmm," Derek moaned, wrapping his arms around Meredith tightly, his hands sliding over her slippery, sudsy stomach as he kissed her neck.

"We need to do this more often," Meredith murmured, dipping her head to the side and sighing contently as she sat flush against his chest in their bathtub.

Derek smiled against her neck, "We do," he agreed with a final kiss before pulling his head up and leaning it against hers.

Meredith smiled, rubbing her hand on his leg, "Zola was so happy today," she said softly.

"She was," Derek agreed, "I can't believe that after all of this time and everything she dealt with as a baby that she's doing so well. It's amazing," he sighed.

Leaning her head back against his shoulder, Meredith kissed his neck, "It really is," she whispered.

"Hey," Derek said softly, "You didn't have the dream last night," he told her.

Meredith shook her head, "I didn't," she smiled, "I know you thought going to see Dr. Kreft would be a load of crap, but… it helps."

Derek chuckled softly, "I was wrong," he admitted, "She's helped a lot in the last year."

"She has, thank God," Meredith groaned before releasing a small laugh, "I don't think I could handle having that dream every night."

"I don't think I could handle you having that dream every night either," Derek told her honestly, "I heard what you said about not feeling guilty… I swear that I did, but…"

"I know," she said, "I know you can't always control it," she moved her head to look him in the eye.

He smiled at her as their eyes met, "I hate it when you cry and I hate it, even more, when I'm the reason you cry."

"Oh I know you do," she giggled, "You hate it when I'm anything other than happy and pain-free."

"Is that wrong?" he chuckled, raising his eyebrows at her.

She shook her head lightly and smiled at him, "No, you're getting better," she offered, "When Ellie was born you didn't even yell at a nurse," she told him with a laugh.

Derek rolled his eyes, "If there's a next time, I'll yell at every person who comes into your room out of spite," he promised her teasingly.

Meredith giggled, "That won't be for a very long time, you'll forget by then," she shrugged.

"Oh yeah?" he challenged, moving quickly in an attempt to get out from under her, the water nearly sloshing over the sides.

"No," Meredith giggled, pressing her hands against his thighs roughly, causing him to slip against the tub and plop back in, resulting in another large wave.

"Ow," Derek groaned with a laugh, "You little," he growled pulling her close again and nibbling at her ear as he tickled her sides and slide down further.

"Derek," Meredith gasped with an uncontrollable laugh as he tickled her again and she squealed, squirming against him, "Stop it," she laughed, flipping around in the split second he lightened up and straddling him, placing her hands on his shoulders with a glare.

Derek laughed deviously and pulled her into him, their chests mashed together as she combed her fingers through the hairs at the base of his neck and her glare turned into a smile.

"I hate you," she said, still smiling

"You love me," Derek told her, clicking his tongue with a grin as he held her gaze.

 _And I love you, every part of you._

Meredith's tongue darted from her mouth as she licked her lips before pulling his face to hers.

Less than a minute later, there was a tiny knock at the door, "Mommy!" Bailey's sleepily distressed voice called.

Their heads snapped toward the door. Derek groaned and Meredith reached past him to grab her robe off of the hook as their son pushed the door open, "Mommy," he cried again.

 _How do they_ _ **always**_ _do that?_

"What's wrong, buddy?" Meredith asked him softly as she stepped out of the tub, thrusting her arms through the robe and wrapping up before kneeling in front of him with a sigh.

"The monster's gon' get me," he cried, reaching his arms around her neck.

 _Stupid monsters and their stupid sex-ruining dreams._

Meredith smiled sadly at him, "The monster won't get you," she promised him, hugging him close and kissing the top of his head, "Let's go get the monster spray and I'll tuck you back in, ok?"

Bailey shook his head and held on tighter, "No, I wanna sleep in the big bed, Mama," he told her sternly.

"You have to sleep in your own bed, Monkey," she told him as she got up off the floor with him, "Come on, say goodnight to Daddy," she told him, turning the side and giving Derek an apologetic smile.

"Night, Monkey," he said with a strained smile.

Bailey grunted a goodnight as Meredith turned and left the room with him.

"Oh my god," Derek chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief as he groaned and let himself sink further into the tub, "Every time," he muttered.

* * *

"The closet, Mom!" Bailey said nervously from his bed as Meredith walked around the room with the spray bottle.

"Ok, anywhere else?" she asked, turning toward him after spraying the misty water onto his clothes.

The little boy shook his head and Meredith smiled, moving closer and placing the spray bottle on his nightstand, "Let's get you tucked in there tight," she said, pulling her robe tighter as she pulled his covers over him and sat on his bed.

"The monsters all gone?" he asked, snuggling closer to his dinosaur from beneath his blanket.

"All gone," Meredith promised softly, "Do you want to say your prayers again?"

Bailey smiled as he closed his heavy eyes, "Yeah," he murmured.

Meredith smiled and brushed her hand across his bangs before rubbing his back, "Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep," they said together, "Guide me safely through the night and wake me with the morning light."

"Nigh' Mama," he muttered sleepily once they finished.

"Night, Monkey," Meredith whispered, kissing his cheek and standing to leave, she switched his light off and hovering by the door for a moment before closing it tightly with a smile on her face.

 _Meredith had left Derek's room in the ICU a few minutes ago and began wandering around the hospital. She'd spent so much time sitting lately and found that walks kept her from going crazy. Only three minutes into her walk, she found herself at the Chapel entrance. It wasn't a place she'd gone many times before. Taking a deep breath, Meredith walked in and moved slowly down the aisle before taking a seat in a pew._

" _I don't know," she began, tears burning her eyes, "I don't know if I believe in you," she admitted quietly, playing with the watch on her wrist, "A lot of crap has happened to me and I never felt that it was fair, so I didn't think you existed. Then I met Derek," she said with a watery smile, "and he's been the best thing that has_ _ **ever**_ _happened to me. I was just starting to think that maybe… maybe all of the crap was supposed to happen," she took a shaky breath, "to turn me into who I'm supposed to be," her voice cracked as a tear made it's way down her cheek, "but now," she gasped, a hand moving to her chest, "now he's lying… in a hospital bed… and he won't wake up," she cried, looking up toward the ceiling, "He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's the thing that made me_ _ **want**_ _to believe in you," she continued, brushing a hand under her nose as more tears flooded from her eyes, "and I'm not ready to give any of it up… not yet… because I want to believe and I want my husband," she whimpered, running a hand through her hair._

 _Meredith sat with her elbows on her knees and her head resting on her folded hands. It wasn't something she had done much of before, but she prayed. She prayed for Derek, for the kids, for his mother, for his sister, and she prayed for herself._

 _Ask any other doctor who was with Derek and they'd say that when he woke up three days later, it was because his body had simply had the time it had needed to heal. Ask Meredith and she'd say it was because she'd found God._

* * *

"Is Amy here?" Derek asked, rounding the corner slowly as Ellie clutched onto his hand and toddled alongside him babbling.

Meredith looked up from her conversation with Zola and Bailey at the island, "Nope, she and Owen just left," she smiled.

Ellie grinned when she saw her mom and wobbled toward her, pulling on Derek's hand, "Mama, Mama," she squealed.

"Hi, baby," Meredith cooed, reaching down and pulling her into her arms, hugging her close, "You are becoming such a good walker," she told her softly, poking her tummy.

"I drew you a picture," Bailey announced as Derek kissed the top of his head and said good morning.

"You did?" Derek asked him excitedly, looking down at the round-ish black and white blob on his page, "Woah, is that a soccer ball?"

"Yeah," the blonde squealed, "I'm gonna play just like Zo does," he nodded, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he worked on a new masterpiece.

Zola giggled, smiling at her brother as she worked on her own picture.

"I'll take it to work and put it in my office," Derek promised with a smile then moved over to his older daughter, "What are you working on?" he asked her sweetly, brushing a hand over her hair.

Meredith roamed around the kitchen, grabbing a sippy cup from the cupboard and moving to the sink to fill it with water, "Are you thirsty?" she asked Ellie softly as she played with the buttons on her pajama top.

"It's a ballerina," Zola announced, tilting her head to look at her dad with a grin.

Derek nodded, smiling down at her, "I like her tutu," he told her.

 _I never thought that sentence would come out of my mouth._

"Did you need Amy for something?" Meredith asked as she handed Ellis her sippy cup and shifted her further onto her hip.

"No," Derek said, looking toward Meredith as he remembered, "I have something to tell you and she can't hear," he said quietly, raising his eyebrows with a smirk.

"What?" Meredith asked, a look of confusion crossing her face.

 _Nothing good ever comes after sentences like that._

Derek glanced down at Bailey and Zola, "Mama and I are gonna go in the other room for a second, ok? Keep coloring and we'll come back to start breakfast in a minute," he told them.

"Ok," they chorused distractedly.

"Derek, what is going on?" she asked as he rounded the counter and lead her away from the bigger kids.

"Just a sec," he said, popping his head out of the hallway to be sure they were still seated.

Meredith rolled her eyes as Ellie wrapped an arm around her shoulder and leaned her head against her cheek, "Derek," she hissed.

He looked over at her with a smirk, "Owen's proposing."

"Right now?" Meredith asked in surprise, her eyes widening.

"I don't know when," Derek shrugged, "He came into my office on Friday and asked for my 'blessing'," he told her with an amused huff.

"He asked you?" she smiled.

 _He respects him._

Derek nodded, "He did."

"Wow," she breathed, "I mean, that's great," she nodded, the smile lingering on her face.

"What?" Derek asked her, peeking his head back out to glance at Bailey and Zola who were immersed in a conversation.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head and swaying side to side with Ellie, "It's just...Cristina should know… eventually," she sighed.

"She should," he agreed with a nod, "but I'd wait until after he actually asks Amelia to marry him before you tell her."

"Why? You don't think he'll go through with it?"

"No, I think he will," Derek nodded with a shrug, "but…"

"But his ex-wife knowing before his future wife that he wants her to be his wife is weird," Meredith said, releasing a breath.

Derek chuckled, "Yes?" he said, quirking his head.

 _I thought I'd get used to those odd rambles, but sometimes they still make my head run laps._

"Yes," Meredith nodded with a sigh before looking at him and smiling, "but it's good news, great news," she said.

"It is," Derek smiled as Ellie whimpered and reached for him, "Can you say 'yay'? Yay," he cheered, holding her above his head before bringing her to his chest and rubbing her back.

"Guys," Zola groaned, hurrying toward them, "Hurry up, I'm hungry."

"Oh, you're hungry?" Meredith asked her with a chuckle, raising her eyebrows as she lunged toward Zola and swooped her into her arms like a baby, "I'm so sorry," she cooed, kissing her nose as she walked back toward the kitchen.

Zola glared at her mom, "I'm not a baby," she said sternly before her glare evaporated into a giggle as Meredith plopped her back in her seat.

"Ellie's the baby, Mom," Bailey said seriously as he looked up from his paper and grabbed his cup.

"She's the cutest baby ever," Zola cooed, grabbing Ellie's hand and kissing her cheek as Derek walked into the kitchen and came close to her.

Ellis babbled and patted Zola's face happily.

Derek lifted the baby higher as he neared her highchair and kissed her cheek, "You are a cutie-pie," he told her, placing her in her seat.

"She's very cute," Meredith nodded, pouring two cups of coffee, "but you were cute babies too," she said, pointing to Bailey and Zola with a wink as she turned with her mug.

"Hmmm," Derek hummed, grabbing his cup of coffee off the counter and turning toward Meredith, he wrapped an arm around her, "I think that's because your mommy's so pretty," he said with a smirk, kissing her cheek.

Meredith rolled her eyes and nudged him away with her hip.

"You are pretty Mommy," Zola said with a sad smile.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked her, a look of concern crossing her face as Derek moved toward a whiny Ellie to feed her some more.

Zola shook her head and shrugged, "Nothin'," she said, staring down at her drawing and kicking her feet.

"Zola," she whispered.

The little girl released a long sigh, "I just sometimes wish I could look like you and daddy," she told them.

Derek spun around from helping Ellie slowly and crouched a bit to kiss Zola's cheek and look her in the eye, "We think you're perfect just the way you are," he told her.

"We do," Meredith nodded with a soft smile.

"Yeah?" Zola breathed, tears burning her little eyes.

"Yeah!" Bailey joined in, leaning in to wrap his arms around his sister from his chair, "I love my Zozo."

Meredith reached over the counter to squeeze the little girl's hand, "Should Daddy make us some waffles?" she asked softly.

Zola smiled at her mom and nodded before turning her head to Derek, "Please?" she asked sweetly.

Derek just chuckled and shook his head, "Anything for you, Princess," he said with a fake bow, kissing her cheek once more before making his way into the kitchen.

Zola leaned her head against her little brother's, wrapping her arm around him as he continued to hug her.

 _They were wrong, my family loves me lots._

* * *

 _ **I hope you enjoyed this MerDer family weekend fluff!**_

 ** _Thank you to those of you who have reviewed! I cannot thank you enough for your kind words, they truly make my day!  
A few of you seem to be interested in the Jaggie storyline. I must admit, much like Maggie in this chapter, I'm not quite sure what my opinion is about them!_**

 **There is a lot to be thankful for and I hope you were able to find at least the smallest thing to be thankful for in your lives this Thanksgiving :)**


	6. Night-Shift

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.**

 **Read.  
Hopefully, enjoy.  
Review if you'd like.**

* * *

"Hey," Amelia said, walking out onto the deck and pulling her sweater a bit tighter around herself, "Meredith at the hospital?" she asked, taking a seat next to Derek as he sat at the table with a book, the porch light illuminating the pages.

He looked up at his sister as she sat next to him, "She is," he affirmed, sliding his bookmark between the pages of his book and letting it fall onto the table.

She smiled a bit and nodded, her hands shoved between her thighs to keep warm, "I umm…" she started, looking up toward the dark sky for a moment.

"What?" Derek asked softly, tilting his head and giving her a concerned look, his eyes glistening a bit against the dull lighting.

"Owen proposed," she breathed, looking over at him again with a bright smile.

A smile made it's way onto Derek's face, "Congratulations," he said, sitting up and moving a hand to rub her knee.

Amelia laughed, a bit unsure as she took in the expression on her brother's face, "You knew," she said accusingly after a moment.

 _Of course he does. Why does he always seem to know everything?_

"I don't know what you're talking about," Derek said with an unconvincing smile.

"How did you know?" she asked him.

Derek leaned back in his chair again, folding his hands in his lap, "Owen came into my office last week," he admitted with a soft smile, "He asked for my blessing."

"Your blessing?" she snorted, rolling her eyes, "Since when does he need **your** blessing for anything?"

"He doesn't," Derek told her, "but I appreciate it… Amy, I appreciate that he knows how much I love you," he swallowed and his eyes burned a bit, "and how much I've tried to fill the gaps dad left. He's a good guy."

 _He better continue being a good guy._

She shook her head with an amused smile, pulling her hand up and looking down at her ring as she spun it on her finger, "He is," she agreed with a nod.

"I'm happy for you," Derek smiled.

"I'm happy for me too," she laughed as they heard a few whimpers coming from the baby monitor on the table.

Both of their heads snapped toward the small screen that gave them a view of Ellis in her crib.

 _Give her a second. She makes noises in her sleep sometimes, hopefully, this is one of those._

"Do you want me to…" Amelia began to offer, gesturing between the monitor and the house.

Derek shook his head, "She's ok, just makes some noise in her sleep sometimes," he said, "If she starts crying I'll go in there."

Amelia nodded, looking at the blurry form of her niece on the monitor.

 _Do you want that? What Derek has with Meredith? The kids and the house and the jobs?  
_ _You've thought about this before. You want it.  
_ _Yes, but, what if you're no good at it. They_ _ **know**_ _things about the kids, like sixth sense things; when they're awake or tired or just hungry or mad or sad but acting mad. How do they do that?_

"Are you ok?" Derek asked, looking at Amelia and then the monitor.

Her head snapped toward him and she smiled, "I'm great."

 _Don't talk to him about this. He's probably waiting for you to freak and make a stupid decision or for a sign that you're not ready for this. You are._

"Hmmm," he hummed, his head turning as he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

 _Zola's up._

Amelia followed his gaze and saw Zola walking out of the hallway with her doll clutched to her chest.

"I'm gonna go get her back in bed," Derek said, shifting to sit and grab his book and monitor off the table as Zola looked helplessly through the living room, "Congratulations," he smiled, leaning down to kiss the top of her head before heading inside.

"Daddy," she heard Zola cry as he opened the door, "Where'd you go?" she asked, her little feet slapping the floor as she hurried toward him just as he closed the door behind himself.

Through the glass, Amelia watched her brother with his daughter. The way he crouched down and swooped her into his arms with a kiss on the cheek before her head fell onto his shoulder, her legs snaking around his waist, and his arms holding her close as he walked back down the hall.

 _Can you do that? Can you be the person a tiny, living, breathing, human needs at night?_

* * *

"Tell him I'll be home in time to see him before you take them in," Meredith said into her cellphone as she walked down the hallway of the hospital, yawning as she heard Derek pass on the message to their son.

"How'd it go last night?" Derek asked her, his phone smashed between his cheek and his shoulder, pulling pants up Bailey's legs as he squirmed and glared at him from the floor of his bedroom.

"Oh it was fine," she sighed tiredly, "No one died," she shrugged, rubbing her neck.

"Well that's good," Derek chuckled, snatching Ellie as she tried to crawl away and placing her back by her toys.

"It is," Meredith chuckled weakly before it dissolved into a yawn, "but I'm exhausted."

"But the streak is alive!" Derek cheered exaggeratedly for the kids, handing a shirt to Bailey, "I know you can put this on all by yourself," he whispered to the angry little boy.

"The streak is alive," she nodded with a smirk, "and soon I'll be at home in a big, comfy bed."

"You will be," he smiled, pulling a sock onto Bailey's foot as he put another arm into his shirt.

Meredith sighed, "I should let you go so I can finish up here and get back in time."

"Alright, we'll see you soon," he said, releasing a grunt as he climbed off the floor with Ellis on his hip.

"See you soon," she said, pulling the phone from her cheek and ending the call as she opened the door to a supply closet, nearly tripping over something near the door, "Maggie?" she asked, looked down at her sister as she sat on the floor.

"Meredith," she croaked in surprise.

 _Is she crying? On the floor of a supply closet? How very Grey of her._

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked her, a concerned look on her face as she sat down next to her sister.

Maggie shook her head sharply, "I don't… I… I don't want to lose her," she cried, looking over at Meredith with tear-stained cheeks, "I don't want to lose my mom," she said miserably.

Meredith sighed sadly, "Come here," she told her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and holding her close just as she did with her kids when they were upset.

The sisters sat together on the floor of the supply closet for nearly five minutes before Maggie had stopped crying but didn't pull away, "She… she's so tired," Maggie's voice cracked, "tired of trying and fighting and losing… she's tired of all of it," she told her softly, her voice rough, "She's tired of everything and I don't know how to make it better and it's killing me."

"You want to help her, take away her pain," Meredith sighed in understanding, closing her eyes and resting her head on Maggie's.

"What did you do?" Maggie pulled away suddenly, looking Meredith in the eye, "After the accident, when Derek was recovering," she clarified, "I don't remember. What did you do to help him?"

"The kids," Meredith smiled softly, "He'd see them and it was like… everything else just melted away and for a little while he could focus on us and our family instead of the pain."

" _Hey," Meredith said with a smile as she walked through the door._

" _Meredith," Callie sighed, making her way toward her friend._

That look. That's never a good look.

" _What's wrong?" she asked, looking around the waiting room for Derek._

" _Look… he's… it was rough today," she breathed, "He's in a mood and he's angry and…"_

" _Where is he?"_

" _I think you should.."_

" _Callie," she snapped, "Where is my husband?"_

" _He's on the floor in room five and he won't stand up," she admitted._

 _Meredith looked at her for a moment before moving around her and heading across the lobby and toward the hallway the room was down._

" _Meredith… It might be better if we give him some time." Callie began slowly as she followed her._

" _He doesn't need time," she told her sternly, turning around to face her abruptly as she reached his room, "When he gets in these moods and he's alone they just get worse. He_ _ **needs**_ _to be distracted by something else," she told her with a sigh before turning and entering the room._

" _Dammit, Callie, just leave me alone," Derek's angry voice groaned. He was sitting against the wall, not too far from the door, his eyes closed and his legs straight out in front of him._

" _Hmmm," Meredith sounded, shutting the door behind herself, "Being alone's no fun," she told him quietly._

 _Derek's eyes snapped open and he turned his head to look at her with a weary sigh, "Meredith," he groaned._

 _She rolled her eyes and slid down the wall, plopping next to him with an 'oomph', "You can't kick me out now," she told him, leaning her head back against the wall and turning to look at him, "because there's a pretty good chance I won't be able to get up off of this floor," she said as she clasped her hands under her growing stomach._

 _Derek closed his eyes as he put his hand on her thigh, "Well that makes two of us," he told her dryly._ _He sighed and opened his eyes to look at her again, "It's been five months," he said simply, "and I still walk like I'm eighty."_

" _I know," she whispered, placing her hand over his and stroking his knuckles._

 _Derek looked down at their hands contemplatively, "I'm angry," he told her suddenly, "not at you or Callie, but... I'm just so angry," he told her, his eyes burning with tears as he gritted his teeth._

 _Meredith simply sat there, continued stroking his hand. She looked at the angry tears in his eyes and then to his shorter hair and the bright pink scar on his scalp._

" _I'm pissed that this happened," he snapped, "I have to use a cane to walk, the numbness on my right side isn't going away. I'm pissed that my life is filled with pills and pain and appointments," his voice cracked as he looked back at her miserably, "I can't screw the lid onto Bailey's sippy cup or pick him up when he's crying against my legs. I try to pick him or Zola up and I get dizzy. How am I supposed to be their dad when…"_

" _Stop it," Meredith hissed softly, a tear falling down her face, "You_ _ **are**_ _their dad. All of that stuff sucks but it doesn't matter because you're here," she told through a sheen of tears, "Zola lives for storytime on the couch now and Bailey cries when you leave because he loves having you around all the time. You're here, Derek," she told him forcefully, "and I'm sorry, I know it sucks, but we'd all rather have you here like this than…" her voice hitched and she looked away._

" _I know," he said dejectedly._

 _It's not good enough._

 _"But it's selfish," she told him with a watery smile, looking up at him again, "and I'm sorry."_

 _Derek snorted and moved a hand down to rub his leg, "You're not selfish."_

" _Oh I am," she laughed, wiping her nose on her sleeve, "but thank you for saying that."_

 _He just sighed and shook his head in defeat._

 _I'm too tired to fight her on this right now._

" _I have something for you," Meredith told him suddenly, reaching into her coat pocket and placing a small envelope in his lap._

" _What is this?" he asked, confusion crossing his face as he turned it in his hands._

" _There are ultrasounds in there that will tell us if the baby's a boy or a girl," she said with a smile._

 _His head turned and he looked at her, a small smile playing his lips, "When did you… did I miss an appointment?"_

" _No," she sighed, "I… got nervous. I had a feeling and I…"_

" _Is everything ok?" he looked at her stomach and then her face._

 _Meredith nodded, "The baby's great," she smiled, "Do you want to open it?"_

 _Derek raised his eyebrows at her and chuckled, looking back down at the envelope in his hands before ripping into it as Meredith placed a hand on his leg and leaned closer, "Are you ready?"_

" _Yes," Meredith grinned and he pulled a grainy image out of the envelope. They studied it for just a moment before Meredith gasped, "It's a girl," she said softly, tears burning her eyes._

" _It's a girl," Derek smiled widely, reading a note in the envelope for confirmation. He kissed her cheek as she continued to stare "There's another one," he told her, pushing the first scan into her hand as he pulled the other out, that one offering a profile of the baby, "Look at that," he whispered._

" _She looks bigger," Meredith sighed happily._

" _She does," he agreed, reaching his weak hand over to rest it on her stomach, rubbing slow circles with his thumb as he stared at the image that was now in his wife's hand._

 _Meredith traced the outline of the baby with one finger slowly, "I know that you…" she swallowed, letting her hands fall to her lap, over his arm, "I know that you're tired and frustrated," she said, looking him in the eye, "but…"_

" _Meredith," he interjected._

" _No," she said forcefully, "You're in pain, all the time, even when you tell me you're not and you have an ego," she rolled her eyes, "the size of Texas and this whole recovery thing is only crushing that so you're frustrated, but I…" her voice hitched, "but you're here and I'm so glad that you are…"_

 _Derek kissed her, "I'm glad that I'm here too," he promised her with a sigh._

 _'This whole recovery thing' is just taking a lot longer than I'd like it to._

" _Ok," she whispered, placing a hand on top of his with a sigh of her own as the baby shifted and kicked before tilting the ultrasound to look at it again._

" _I think she has your nose," Derek said, tracing it with his finger._

" _You do?" Meredith snorted a laugh as he took it from her hand with his free one._

 _He held the ultrasound up to against her face with a smirk, "I do," he huffed a laugh just as she did._

" _Good, I'd hate to see a baby with your nose," she laughed, brushing his with her finger._

 _Derek brought the ultrasound down from her face, "Hey," he chuckled, "This nose was broken two times," he reminded her._

" _Whatever," she said, rolling her eyes before letting them fall on his mischievously._

" _You're so mean to me," he accused her teasingly._

 _Meredith smirked and kissed him, turning her body toward him as she placed a hand on his neck, "I love you," she said in a fake-sweet voice._

" _I love you too," he chuckled, kissing her again and wrapping his arms around her, stroking her side, "but my ass is numb so I think we should get up now," he told her._

" _We should," she laughed, attempting to pull away a bit, but he didn't move and continued looking at her, "What is it?"_

" _Nothing," he smiled, "It's just…" he paused for a moment, looking at her thoughtfully and moving his hand from her side to rub her cheek before returning it._

" _What?" she asked him curiously, giving him a confused smile._

" _Do you remember when I proposed?" he asked, rubbing his hand along her side, "I told you that when there's a crisis you keep going and you get other people to keep going too and I…" he shook his head, still smiling at her, "You're not selfish, Meredith," he whispered._

" _I love you," she smiled, genuinely this time, as she brought her hand to his cheek and kissed him._

Meredith sighed, "But then, you know, you do the same thing the next day; we'd get there and he'd be ok, I'd go off and do some work, come back when he was done, and most of the time he would still be ok but some days… he'd be broken again."

"So that's it?" Maggie asked, her voice rough with emotion, "You just…"

"Take it one day at a time," Meredith smiled, "You can't force them to want anything," she told her honestly, "but you can give them reasons to want to keep going."

Maggie nodded and pulled away from her sister a bit to look her in the eye, "Can I steal your kids?" she asked seriously.

Meredith laughed and shook her head, "No," she snorted, "but you can borrow them."

"That's fine," Maggie rolled her eyes, "I'll need one of you there to pawn them off on when they start to cry or… stink," she laughed.

"Ok," Meredith smirked, sitting up straight and checking her phone, "You good?"

"I'm good," Maggie nodded, wiping her eyes, "Thank you."

"Anytime," she told her, nudging her shoulder, "But, I've gotta go so I can get home in time to save Derek from an unnecessary meltdown," she said getting up off the floor.

"He can't handle the kids for twelve hours without bitch baby tears?" Maggie snorted, grabbing Meredith's outstretched hand as she got up.

"I'm not talking about a Derek meltdown," Meredith rolled her eyes, "There are three children at the house with him, including one who is very much a mama's boy," she told her pointedly, snatching her supplies and moving toward the door.

* * *

"Hi, mommy!" Zola called from her seat at the counter as Meredith walked through the door.

She smiled, "Hi Zo," she said tiredly, dropping her bag, kicking off her shoes, and shrugging off her coat before making a beeline to her daughter, "I missed you," she whispered, cupping her face and kissing her cheeks.

Zola giggle, "Mama I gotta eat," she said.

"You do," Meredith laughed, "Where's daddy?" she asked, looking around for Derek and the other kids.

"I dunno," she shrugged before scrunching her nose, "Bailey was crying **a lot** ," she said, annoyed.

Meredith shook her head with an amused smile, "I'll go find them," she said, kissing her head and popping a grape in her mouth, "Derek?" she called as she moved down the hallway.

"Mama!" she heard Bailey screech from his room.

"Hey," Derek said with a breathless smile as he popped out with Bailey and Ellis in his arms, struggling as Bailey tried to escape and Ellis grabbed his hair.

"Hi," Meredith laughed, "Hi Bailey," she cheered, moving closer and grabbing him from Derek.

Bailey grinned and wrapped his arms and legs around her tightly, "Mama I misseded you," he told her with a sigh.

Ellie clapped her hands and grinned, "Mama, mama, mama."

Derek just rolled his eyes, "I have to change her diaper," he said, shifting Ellie on on his arm, "Can you get him to eat something? He spilled cereal all over his first outfit but I don't think he ate anything. I'm shooting for fifteen," he told her.

"Of course," she smiled, rubbing Bailey's back, "Is Zola all set?"

"She… should be," he said with a look, "I'd check," he finished, turning to walk away.

"Alright, Monkey," she murmured, turning in the opposite direction, "Should we have some breakfast?"

"No," he grunted, lifting his head as she walked back into the kitchen.

Meredith bounced him up and down a bit, "Yes," she grunted back, kissing his cheek and tickling his side before plopping him in a seat next to Zola.

His face scrunched up and he started to cry, "No! Mommy, no!" he yelled, twisting around for her in his chair.

Zola just groaned and took an angry bite of toast, trying to ignore him as she scribbled on a piece of paper with her other hand.

"Bailey," Meredith said warningly, "You have to sit down with your sister and eat."

"I… want… you," he cried.

 _I am too tired to deal with this right now. Sleep. I need sleep. Now._

"Come here," she sighed wearily, pulling him back out of the chair and into her arms, "but you're eating a piece of toast and three grapes," she told him sternly.

"Ok," he muttered, playing with her hair as she walked around the counter.

Meredith smiled softly as Zola, "Are you all ready for school, Bug?" she asked.

"Yup!" Zola told her with a smile.

"Is your backpack ready?"

"Mmhmm."

"Did you brush your teeth?" Meredith asked as she fed Bailey a grape and swayed back and forth with him, waiting for his toast.

"Yes."

"Is your reading log signed?"

"Check," Zola nodded, taking a sip of her orange juice.

"Do you know where your shoes are?"

"Uhhh, no," Zola said sheepishly as she finished her toast.

Meredith gave Bailey his piece and grabbed his cup for him, "Ok, if you're all done, go check by the door real quick," she told her, glancing at her quickly and grabbing her empty plate with a yawn.

Zola scurried off of her stool and ran toward the door, "Found 'em!" she called.

"Good job," Meredith smiled over at her, blinking the sleep from her eyes as Bailey continued eating, "Is your coat over there too?" she asked.

"Yup!" Zola reported, sitting on the bench to put her shoes on.

"Almost ready?" Derek asked, rounding the corner with Ellis on his hip.

Meredith nodded, "Almost," she said as she dissolved into a yawn and adjusted Bailey on her hip.

Derek rubbed her back as he walked around her and kissed her cheek.

"All set!" Zola said, rushing back toward them with her shoes on and hugging Meredith's legs as Derek shoved a couple more things into the diaper bag, Ellis watching closely, "Mommy, 'Fia and I made hearts yesterday," she informed her.

"Really?" she asked, lacing her voice with excitement, "You can show me when you get home tonight," she promised.

"Ok," Zola smiled as Meredith rubbed her shoulders.

"Can you go get your coat on?" Meredith asked her softly, "I think Daddy's almost ready," she told her with a yawn.

"I am," Derek said with a smirk as he caught her yawn out of the corner of his eye before adjusting Ellis on his hip and zipping the diaper bag and lunchboxes.

"Hi baby," Meredith whispered with a smile, moving close and kissing her cheek a couple times as Bailey grunted, "Hey," Meredith said, moving away a bit and looking at Bailey, "Lighten up a little bit, buddy," she told him, bouncing him on her hip as he finished off his toast.

"I don't wanna go," he whined, swallowing his last bite.

"You have to, Monkey," Derek told him gently, "Mama needs sleep," he said, moving toward the door with Ellie.

"I do," Meredith sighed, "but you'll have **so** much fun today and then you can come home and tell me all about it," she promised, following Derek.

They set the kids down on either side of Zola just as she was finishing with her shoes and helped the smaller kids with their shoes and coats.

"Bailey, where's your monkey?" Meredith asked him as she zipped his coat.

Bailey's head snapped up, "On the bed," he announced, sliding down and bolting toward his room.

"Mommy, can you zip my coat?" Zola asked, kicking her legs a bit as Derek slid a squirming Ellie into hers.

Meredith smiled and moved closer, "Of course," she said, zipping it up, "Have a good day, ok?" she told her, squeezing her hands, "I love you."

"I love you too," Zola smiled widely, shimmying off the bench and onto her lap, pulling her arms around her neck.

"Alright Zo, ready?" Derek asked, standing up with Ellis in his arms as Bailey bolted back into the room.

"Yup," she nodded, moving off her mom's lap with one more squeeze.

"Got him!" Bailey announced with a grin, running up to them.

"Bags," Meredith reminded Derek as she stood in front of him and reached for the baby.

He gave her a thankful look, passing Ellie off as she squealed happily, "Bags," he repeated, rushing toward the kitchen to grab them off the counter.

"You have a good day too," Meredith cooed to Ellis, hugging her close as she babbled.

"Ok, let's go," Derek called out, coming back over with a diaper bag slung over one shoulder, Zola's backpack over the other and two lunchboxes in one hand.

Zola ran up to him and grabbed her backpack before turning around and opening the door for them.

Meredith grabbed his phone and keys off the bench, "Keys," she said shoving them in his free hand, "Phone," she said, looking him in the eye with a laugh before leaning closer and shoving it into his pocket for him as Zola and Bailey walked out the door hand in hand.

"What would I do without you?" he chuckled, shaking his head a little and kissing her, "Baby?"

Meredith smiled, "I'll buckle her in for you," she told him.

"Thanks," he smiled, moving toward the door.

Meredith followed and shut the door behind herself, "Don't thank me," she murmured with a laugh, "I just want more cuddles," she told him, holding Ellie close and kissing her head as she walked with her to the car.

Derek tossed the bags into the passenger seat and made sure Zola and Bailey were buckled as Meredith got Ellis strapped into her car seat.

Meredith said goodbye to the kids before closing the door as Derek came to the driver's side, "Have a good day," she yawned, placing a hand on his arm.

"You too," he chuckled, "Get some sleep," he told her, kissing her cheek before climbing in, "Thanks for the help," he said with a smile, "Love you," he added quickly, "See you tonight."

"Love you too," she smiled as he closed his door. Meredith waved to the kids then hurried back inside, her socked feet absorbing the coolness of the ground.

* * *

 **A much-needed study break became a little longer than I expected as I got distracted writing this chapter, but I'm thinking it was worth it.  
I hope you do too!**

 **Thank you for your feedback!  
Your reviews make my day!  
I APPRECIATE YOU, more than you know! :)**


	7. 100 Happier Families

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.**

 **Read.  
Hopefully, enjoy.  
Review if you'd like.**

* * *

"Hey," Derek cheered from his spot on the couch as Meredith rounded the corner into the attendings lounge.

She stopped in her tracks and pointed at him sternly, "Don't do that," she told him.

Derek scoffed a laugh, "Don't do what? Say hello to my wife?"

"The whole 'I'm excited for you so I'm gonna make a big deal out of everything you do today' thing," she glared at him, making her way toward the coffee pot.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, faking innocence with a smile.

"Yes you do," she said with a glare as she opened a cupboard.

"And in that moment," Derek began in a deep voice, "the infamous Meredith Grey reached for a coffee mug and the world was a better place," he exaggerated, a smirk playing on his face as he uncrossed his legs and threw his chart onto the table to stand up.

" **That** is what I'm talking about," Meredith laughed, "It's creepy, don't do it," she said, turning around to fill her mug.

Derek smirked and came up behind her, "Look at the precision, not a drop out of place as she…oomphf," he grunted as she jabbed her elbow into his stomach.

"Would you quit?" she said, shoving the coffee pot back.

"I can't," he laughed, putting his hands on her waist and sliding them across her stomach as he dipped his face into her neck, "You're so cute when you're annoyed," he told her, pecking her neck.

"Stop it," she squealed with a laugh as he hit the ticklish spot on her neck.

Derek laughed evilly and hugged her closer, pulling his face back to look at her, "Hi," he said cheesily.

"Hello," she said, amused as she turned her head to look at him, "I'm gonna drink my coffee now," she whispered to him.

"Ok," he grinned, "I'm gonna kiss you one hundred times now," he said, closing the distance between them.

"Please don't," she snorted with a smirk.

Derek just raised his eyebrows and kissed her again, "For one hundred surgeries," he said, licking his lips as they hovered, nearly touching hers, "Good thing I brought my chapstick," he whispered loudly.

"Don't the two of you have offices to do that in?" Dr. Bailey grumbled as she walked into the lounge.

"We do, but…" Derek grinned.

Meredith kissed him again, "Shut up," she whispered with a laugh.

Dr. Bailey rolled her eyes, "Would you move this tail wagon, you're blocking the caffeine."

"You're so mean to me," Derek scoffed, pulling Meredith with him and shifting away from the coffee pot, "Zola would suggest a punishment party," he laughed as she spun away from him with her coffee.

"Zola would suggest a lot of things if she had the final say in everything," Meredith laughed, walking toward the door.

Derek raised his eyebrows as he nodded, "True," he said simply, grabbing a water out of the fridge, "Hey, Dr. Grey," he called with a smirk as he watched her near the door.

"What?" she asked, turning around and rolled her eyes.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives," he told her with a wink.

Meredith just laughed and shook her head, turning around again.

"Little did she know," Derek began in a deeper voice again, bringing his water bottle to his lips as a microphone, "...she'd save a hundred," he finished, reaching out and letting his water bottle fall on to the floor, "Mic drop," he whispered to himself, watching Meredith shake her head and laugh as she walked out the door.

"You better pick that up," Bailey told him, unimpressed as she took a seat at the table.

Derek chuckled, swooping down to snatch the water off of the ground quickly before taking a seat next to her, "How's it going Bailey?" he asked her.

She looked up at him over the paper she was reading, "Well, ten years ago, I didn't think I'd **still** be walking in on you and Grey sucking face."

"Hmmm," Derek hummed with a small smile, "Lucky you."

Bailey rolled her eyes.

"No, seriously," he said, the smile falling off of his face, "How are you?"

"I am..." she sighed heavily and nodded, "tired and stressed and I have mountains of paperwork but not enough time to do it. Tuck was supposed to be at his father's this week but he's conveniently out of town with his girlfriend so now I have less time **and** an upset child," she told him honestly.

Derek nodded, raising his eyebrows in understanding, "It's a demanding job. I thought I wanted it for a long time and once I had it," his eyes widened and he shook his head, "I'd rather chase away monsters with water in a spray bottle than deal with that," he chuckled.

Bailey's face twisted in confusion as she looked at him, "Monsters with a spray bottle?"

"It's a kid thing," he told her, shaking his head, "Bailey's going through a monster phase. He thinks they're everywhere so we put some water in a spray bottle and… nevermind," he chuckled, "My point is, it's tough. I get it. If you want us to take Tuck for a night, just say the word," he offered.

Bailey raised her eyebrows, "Are you sure about that?"

Derek shrugged, "The house is already a zoo, what's one more?" he smirked, "Bailey has a bunk bed in his room, he could spend the night and we can drop him off at school with Zola in the morning," he offered, "Think about it, let us know."

"I will," she nodded with a sigh, shuffling a few more papers, "Thank you."

Derek smiled and nodded, checking his watch, "I have an aneurysm to clip," he told her, standing and moving over to the couch to grab his things before making his way out of the lounge, "Bailey," he said, stopping at the door.

"Hmm?" she asked, her eyebrows raised.

"If anyone can handle the job it's you," he told her seriously.

"Thank you," she grunted with a smirk, looking back at her papers with a sigh.

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd," Jo called, walking up to him quickly as he sat on the bench outside the OR.

Derek looked up in surprise, "Wilson," he said, "What are you…"

"Where's your wife?" she breathed, coming to a stop in front of him.

"Why? What's wrong?"

 _Someone's pissed. What the hell did Meredith do?_

"Where is she?" the resident seethed.

He gave her a confused look and glanced down at his watch, "Probably at lunch or in the daycare with the kids," he told her.

"Thanks," she said shortly, turning abruptly to walk away.

Derek shot up and grabbed her forearm, "Woah Woah Woah, what happened?"

Jo ripped her arm away, "Alex Karev is a jackass," she spat, "and your wife is the only person in this damn hospital who understands his dumb ass," she told him angrily before stalking away.

Derek shook his head, huffing a laugh as he sat back down and adjusted the booties over his tennis shoes.

 _That'll be a fun conversation. She isn't wrong though, Meredith_ _ **is**_ _one of the only people who gets Karev._

"What was that all about?" Amelia laughed as she walked over from the nurse's station and took a seat on the bench across from her brother.

He looked up at her with a smirk, still adjusting his shoes, "Oh just Karev being… Karev I guess," he shrugged, "I'm sure Meredith will tell me later," he added, looking down again to retie a shoe.

"Ahh," she said, amused, "So he was an asshole and she needs Meredith to translate?"

"Mmhmm," Derek nodded with a chuckle, sitting up straight and looking at her suspiciously, "What's up with you?"

Amelia shook her head and pinched her lips together, raising her eyebrows, "Nothing," she told him unconvincingly.

"Look, Amy, I have a surgery in twenty minutes," he told her with a sigh, folding his hands together, "so you can spit it out now or we can talk about it tonight," he said, giving her a pointed look.

"Don't look at me like that," she snapped, rubbing her hand through her hair, "Like you look at your kids when you're trying to…"

"Amy," he said simply, unmoving.

She bit her lip and rolled her eyes, looking around her for a moment before leaning in a bit, "You know Cristina Yang, she was practically a third of your relationship for a long time."

Derek snorted a laugh, but nodded in agreement, "Where is this going?"

"What happened between them?" she asked quickly, "Cristina and Owen. What happened? All I ever hear is that they fought **a lot** and then she got a job somewhere else and left and I just…"

"It's a long story, Amy," Derek told her with a sigh, "Meredith knows a lot about it… we both do, I guess… they loved each other a lot," he nodded, "but they also hurt each other a lot," he told her honestly.

Amelia swallowed thickly, "What did he do?"

Uncrossing his legs and looking over at the clock, Derek sighed again, "Look, Amy, this isn't a conversation that can happen in the next five minutes. Why don't we talk about it later?"

 _So I can figure out what the hell I'm supposed to say this to you in a way that won't make you run for the hills._

For a moment, Amy sat there, unmoving as she looked her brother in the eye.

 _It's bad. If it weren't he would have just told me. What the hell happened between them?  
_ _God, this is making me sick to my stomach.  
_ _What could Owen have done? As much as I love him and trust him, he just... had this whole other life I know nothing about._

"Amy," her brother said softly, reaching to rub her knee, "I'll tell you, I promise. I just… I have a surgery and this isn't the place…"

"No, no I get it," she said quickly, looking up at him, "I'll see you tonight," she nodded.

"Amy.." he began, standing up just as she did.

 _She's freaking out. Dammit, Derek, why did you even say anything?_

"Dr. Shepherd," a chipper young intern with glasses said, walking up to them.

"Yes?" They chorused, turning toward him with raised eyebrows.

 _Same face. Same name. Yup, definitely siblings but uhh…_

"Oh I… umm… sorry," he stuttered, "Lady Shepherd."

 _Lady Shepherd? Really dude?  
_ _What the hell else are you supposed to call her?  
_ _In the future, anything but that._

"Yes?" Amelia asked again.

Derek smiled at the intern and then turned to his sister, "I have to scrub in, I'll talk to you tonight," he promised, squeezing her elbow as he walked away.

"Dr. Simmons wants a consult on…" he heard the intern begin.

Tightening the ferryboat scrub cap onto his head, he released a breath and walked through the doors to the scrub room.

 _Ok. Forget everything else, all of the stress and the what ifs and the other responsibilities.  
Ferryboats, ferryboat rides with Meredith, with the kids._

Derek smiled to himself as he opened a package and turned on the faucet, scrubbing the soap over his hands and up his arms.

 _Happy thoughts, relaxed thoughts.  
_ _Meredith.  
_ _Zola, Bailey, Ellis.  
_ _Ferryboats._

* * *

"Ok," Meredith murmured, walking down the hall with a sleepy Ellis in her arms, "You and I are gonna help Mrs. Pierce feel better," she told her, rubbing her back, "So just smile and be your cute little self and don't lose it, ok?" she asked her, holding the baby out in front of her and kissing her nose as she stopped outside the door.

Ellis grinned and patted her face, "Mmmmama," she squealed as Meredith pulled her close, holding her against her chest.

"Just like that," she cooed with a grin, shaking her head and kissing Ellie's cheek.

"Thank god," Maggie groaned, walking up to them, "She's driving me insane with her death face."

"Death face?" Meredith snorted with a smirk, "That's not very nice," she whispered to Ellis.

Maggie rolled her eyes, "Thanks again for bringing her," she said seriously, her hand resting on the door handle, "After Derek left with Bailey the other day she was a whole new person," she smiled.

Meredith shook her head and laughed, "With the amount of charm the two of them dish out I'm not surprised," she told her sister, bouncing Ellis on her arm.

"Derek's teaching him well," Maggie smirked as she walked through the door, "Hey mom, I brought some visitors."

"Maggie," she sighed gruffly as she continued staring out the window.

"It's just Meredith and Ellis," she told her as the three of them moved into the room.

Ellis held onto her mom and looked around the room at all the machines with a bright smile.

"Hi Mrs. Pierce," Meredith smiled softly before turning to the baby, "Ellie can you say hi?" she cooed tickling her belly and eliciting a giggle.

Reaching a chubby hand out, she grinned and waved wildly, "I!" She squeaked.

 _Good job, kid. Your perfect little face will make her day._

"Good job," Maggie encouraged her, noticing the soft ghost of a smile that made its way onto her mom's pale face as she finally turned her head to look at the little girl.

 _There she is. It's working._

"Do you mind if I sit?" Meredith asked, gesturing toward the edge of the bed.

"Not at all," the older woman smiled, "She looks a lot like Derek. A blonde Derek," she offered, watching as Ellis climbed up to a standing position.

"She does, I swear when she's angry she makes the exact same faces," she laughed, "Don't you?" She asked her, kissing her ear and causing her to scrunch her nose.

"Hi," the older woman said to the baby with a smile.

Ellis grinned at her and grunted as she pulled away from her mom, plopping down before crawling further up the bed and patting her shoulder as she babbled.

"Oh really?" Mrs. Pierce laughed.

Maggie smiled, her eyes burning with tears as she took a seat in the chair next to her mom's bed.

 _Look at the happiness… the life in her eyes when she looks at her._

"Be careful," Meredith warned the little girl softly as she bounced and played with Mrs. Pierce's oxygen cannula.

She grunted and dropped it before grinning at the older woman and laying her head against her shoulder with a babble.

"Aww," Maggie cooed with a laugh, squeezing her mom's hand.

"She likes you," Meredith smiled, rubbing Ellie's back.

Mrs. Pierce shook her head with a soft smile, releasing Maggie's hand and bringing an arm around the baby as she cuddled closer, "I don't know about that," she murmured.

"Trust me," Meredith laughed, looking over Maggie, "If she doesn't like you, she'll scream."

"Kid's got a set of lungs," Maggie nodded, glancing between her mother and Meredith, "The first time I held her she screamed until Derek took her back."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "She was three hours old," she laughed, "...and Derek has some kind of… superpower with crying babies."

"Hmmm," Maggie's mother sighed, looking down at Ellis, "Maggie was the same way with her father when she was little," she smiled.

"Really?" Maggie asked softly, a bit surprised.

"Oh yes," her mother laughed as Ellie sat back up and squealed as she saw her earrings, "Do you like those?" she cooed to the little girl.

"Remember when he went on that business trip?" Maggie laughed, "I was so mad at him, I gave him the silent treatment for a week."

"I do," her mother laughed, letting her head fall back against her pillow tiredly, "That was impressive for seven-year-old."

Meredith smiled as she watched Maggie and her mother.

 _She's happy. Her mother's happiness makes her happy._

"Well," she began with a soft smile, "We should let you get some sleep," she said, rubbing Ellie's leg as she played with her sweater, "It's almost naptime for this one too," she cooed, poking the baby's stomach.

"And mommy has a big surgery in a couple hours," Maggie added with a smirk.

Meredith shook her head with a laugh, "It's just a tumor resection, another day at work…"

"Mom," Maggie interrupted, sitting up and looking her mother in the eye, "Meredith's on a streak, a surgery streak. This surgery this afternoon will be her one-hundredth save."

"Ok," Meredith cheered, "Come here cutie," she crooned to Ellie, leaning forward to pick her up with a smile.

"That's impressive," Mrs. Pierce said, her eyes widening.

"Shhh," Meredith cooed, holding Ellie close and standing as she whined, "It's… just a day," she said stubbornly, "Say bye-bye. Bye-bye," she told Ellie, waving toward Maggie's mom.

"Goodbye, dear," she smiled softly, "Meredith…" she began slowly, "don't let your fear of failure keep you from celebrating. Whether this patient lives or dies today, you have been successful ninety-nine times," she smiled widely, "That… is impressive," she told her sternly, "Be proud of that. You deserve it."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled softly, swaying back and forth as Ellis rested her head on her shoulder.

 _It's just a number. It's a big number, but it's just a number. You deserve to be excited. Derek may be excited enough for the whole family but… you should be too._

"There you are," Jo sighed as she swung into the room, "I need to talk to you **now** ," she said sternly, looking at Meredith.

Meredith turned around in surprise, "Umm, ok," she said slowly, Ellis squealing happily at the quick movement, "I'll see you later," she smiled toward Maggie and her mom.

"I'm going to kill Alex," Jo seethed watching Meredith shut the door and walk over to her as Ellie played with her hair.

"What did he do?" Meredith sighed knowingly, bouncing the baby a bit as she squirmed.

 _Dammit, Alex, get your shit together. I am tired of cleaning up your messes._

* * *

 _You can do this. It's just another tumor resection. You can do this._

Meredith swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath and grasping the rim of the scrub sink tightly as she leaned into it and stretched her neck.

 _What if she dies? If you go in there and this surgery isn't successful everyone will know. A woman will be dead and your streak will stop at ninety-nine. It's a good number. A big number, but so close, too close for comfort. That's how it always goes, right? You're always_ _ **almost**_ _there, but not quite._

Taking another deep breath, she shoved herself off of the sink and snatched her phone from her pocket.

"Hello?" a gruff voice came through the receiver.

"I can't do this," Meredith spat out, "It's too much, there's too much pressure. I'm gonna get in there and I'm gonna crack, I know that I am. Everyone knows, **everyone** and this woman could die but people are ready to celebrate, Derek," she told him frantically.

"Meredith," he said softly, she could hear the smile in his voice, "You can do this, you know that you can."

She shook her head a bit, putting her free fist on her hip as she cast her eyes toward the ceiling, "Derek I don't…"

"Don't worry about anyone else," he told her slowly as she heard rustling from his end, "This is about Mrs. Fields. It's about the patient and it's about you. You're her doctor, Meredith and you are more than capable of doing this."

"But there's… there's a number hanging over her head," Meredith told him sternly, "...and my head. There's a number over both of our heads and if I don't…"

"There are no numbers," he interrupted her sternly, "In that OR there will be a patient, you, and a couple colleagues doing your jobs. That's it, that's all there is to it."

Meredith sighed with a groan, "Just doing a job," she muttered with a nod. There was a beep on the other end and the line went dead, "Derek?" she asked, receiving no reply.

"You can do this," she heard him say as the door creaked open behind her and he walked in with a grin on his face.

She rolled her eyes as she turned to face him, "But what if I mess up?" she asked him harshly, "I… I could slip and cut an artery or cut too far away from the tumor or…"

Derek walked closer, "If you mess up," he nodded, stopping in front of her, "You'll fix it... but I don't think you'll mess up," he whispered, placing his hands on her arms.

Meredith sighed, looking past him for a moment before looking him in the eye, "I'm tired of almost, Derek."

"What?" he asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

"I don't want this to be another thing that I **almost** did or that almost happened," she told him honestly.

His eyebrows knit together, "Explain," he said gently, rubbing his hands down her arms and catching her hands in his.

"We almost had a baby and then you got shot and I had a miscarriage," she began with a huff, "We were almost back to normal after we got Zola and we were in a plane crash. We were almost happy for the first time in a long time and you were hit by a truck," she said, tears gathering in her eyes as she looked at him, "So why should this be any different?" she asked him desperately.

Derek smiled sadly and shook his head, squeezing her hands, "We did lose a baby, but now we have three. We were in a plane crash but now we own a hospital. I was hit by a truck, but I'm still here and our life is pretty great," he told her, his smile widening, "Bad things happen and a lot of bad things have happened to us... but a lot of good things have happened too."

"What does that have to do with this surgery?" Meredith asked him angrily, "What does that even mean?"

 _Stupid brain man and his stupid, wordy words._

"It means," he said slowly, releasing her hands and reaching up to untie her scrub cap, "...that whatever happens, we'll deal with it. We always do," he whispered with a smile, pulling the purple cap off of her head.

"What are you doing?"

"Just wait."

"Derek, I have to scrub in, I can't…"

"Just. Wait," he said again, a bit more sternly as he shoved the cap into one pocket of his lab coat and pulled another one out of his other.

"Derek…"

 _What is he doing? What is that?_

He ran his fingers along the design on the scrub cap, smiling down at it, "You remember that huge fight we had right after you told me you wouldn't go to D.C?" he asked, glancing up at her for a second.

"Yes, but…"

"You said that I would always be the hot-shot surgeon and you would always be the intern that fell in love with me," he recounted, swallowing as he shifted on his feet, "but…" he chuckled, shaking his head, "You're not. Now **you're** the hot-shot surgeon," he said with a grin.

"Derek," she said again as she realized what was in his hands, "Don't."

 _The ferryboat scrub cap._

"I want to," he said with a smile, unfolding the cap and placing it on her head, "You are an amazing surgeon and there's no doubt in my mind that you're as great if not better than I am," he told her softly as he adjusted it just right, "You're going to wear this today and you're going to take a deep breath, think happy ferryboat thoughts," he chuckled with a grin, "and you're going to kick some surgical ass," he finished, tying it tightly to her head.

 _It looks good on her... makes her eyes look greener._

"But it's yours," she argued, "Ferryboats are your thing, you have a thing for ferryboats," she breathed as he brought his arms down and looked her in the eye.

"I have a thing for you," he smirked, placing a kiss on her cheek, "I love you. You can do this," he said firmly, grabbing her hand with a squeeze.

Meredith smiled at him, "I love you too," she whispered, "Thank you."

"Anytime," he promised with a wink, kissing her lightly before pulling away and making his way to the door as she turned on the faucet. Halfway out the door he turned back and smirked at her, "Look at that technique. Even her scrubbing is flawless," he said in that same deep voice he always used.

She whipped her head toward him with a glare, spraying water toward him, "Get out," she laughed.

Derek just laughed and stood there for a moment with a grin on his face before turning to leave.

"Ferryboats, ferryboats, ferryboats," he heard her murmur to herself as she closed her eyes for a moment and let the water run over her arms.

 _She can do this. She's an extraordinary surgeon. Maybe someday she'll believe it._

* * *

"Ok, Bailey, put that one right there," Derek directed him, pointing toward the gap he had to fill with the last cupcake.

Bailey nodded and stuck his tongue out as he carefully nudged the cupcake with purple icing and rainbow sprinkles between two others, "Done!" he announced with a big grip, clapping his hands together.

Derek smiled, gathering up some dishes and tossing them in the sink, "Perfect," he cheered, "Mama should be home any minute, why don't you go wash your hands."

"It's so pretty!" Zola squealed as Bailey hopped off of his stool and ran toward the bathroom. Zola pranced closer and pulled herself up a bit to see better.

"It is," Derek nodded, wiping down the counter quickly, "I think purple was a good choice," he told her with a wink, kissing her cheek and glancing over toward Ellie as she plopped onto the bean bag chair with a doll.

Zola nodded excitedly, "Mama's gonna love it."

"She is," he agreed, turning to grab two wine glasses out of the cupboard, Derek placed them on the counter as Zola shoved some sprinkles into the sink.

"Mommy," Bailey yelled, darting across the room as he heard someone at the door.

Zola's face lit up, "She's here!" she squealed to Derek who returned her grin as he searched for a bottle of wine.

Just as Bailey stopped in front of the door, bouncing on his feet, it swung open, "Hey, little guy," Amy smiled.

Bailey's face fell, "Oh…" he muttered, standing still as he turned away, "It's just you."

"Awww man," Zola groaned.

"Hey, be nice," Derek nudged her, snorting a laugh as he set a bottle of wine on the counter.

Amy rolled her eyes, "Nice to see you too," she muttered, closing the door behind herself and kicking off her shoes.

"Mmmama, mama," Ellis babbled, hugging her doll close as she toddled toward the kitchen.

Derek searched through the drawer for a wine bottle opener, "She'll be home any second," he said, smiling at her for a moment.

"You said that five billion seconds ago Dad," Zola groaned, reaching for her cup and leaning against his leg.

"Yeah," Bailey agreed with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest as he walked up next to Zola, "What are we doing?" he asked.

"Getting Mama something yummy to drink," he told them, twisting the opener into the cork and glancing over as Ellie plopped on the floor by the fridge and grabbed a magnetic letter.

"Oooh, cupcakes," Amelia said happily as she walked up to the other side of the island, "...that form the number 100, how cheesy," she laughed, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, Mama loves cupcakes," Zola said sternly as Bailey slid up to his little sister on his knees.

Derek pulled the cork out of the bottle, "Watch your fingers," he said, shoving the opener back into the drawer as Zola watched him carefully. He moved around her to grab the wine glasses, but his foot got caught on the step stool and he tripped, catching himself on the counter, only to knock both glasses off, "Shit," he groaned, his foot throbbing.

"Daddy!" Zola yelled as Ellis burst into tears.

"Be careful," Derek told Bailey as he shifted on the floor, his eyes wide and filling with tears, "No, no, no, no," Derek said loudly lunging toward them as Ellis moved, leaning over the sea of glass and swooping them both up in one arm.

"Daddy," Bailey began sobbing, clutching onto his arm as Ellis cried next to him and Derek stood up straight with a grunt.

"I'll grab a broom," Amy offered with wide eyes.

"Daddy I'm scared," Zola whimpered, pulling on his arm.

Derek sighed heavily, trying to sooth the two younger ones with some bouncing, "It's ok, everyone's ok," he said pulling her onto his hip with his free arm, "It's just some broken glass," he huffed.

As she walked back into the kitchen with the broom, Amy burst out laughing and reached across the table for her phone, setting the broom aside, "I'm sorry… I've gotta get a picture of this," she told him as he stood there glaring at her, all three kids sobbing in his arms as he tried to calm them down.

"Amy," he groaned as the door clicked open.

 _Shit, Meredith's home. This is just great. So much for a happy, stress-free night._

"Hey!" she called, her smile falling from her face as she stopped in her tracks to take in the scene in front of her.

Derek plastered a huge smile on his face, "Happy 100 surgeries!" he cheered, all three kids still crying as Amelia burst into another round of uncontrollable laughter.

Meredith snorted laugh as she shut the door, kicking her shoes off, dropping her bag, and making her way toward the hot mess of her family, "Thank you," she laughed, shaking her head.

"Mama," Bailey sobbed as Derek lifted his leg and pulled them higher up his body to keep them from slipping.

"What happened?" she asked, concern and amusement crossing her face as she looked between Derek and Amelia.

Derek just shook his head with a chuckle as he let her pull Bailey and Ellis onto her chest, "Oh you know..." he muttered pulling Zola around to his stomach as she clung tighter.

"Daddy fell and… and there was a loud… noise and he... said a bad word," Zola hiccuped, lifting her head off of his shoulder and looking at her mom with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh no," Meredith said, giving her daughter a sad look with a hint of a smirk as she held the younger two close to her and glanced at Derek, "Are you ok?" she asked him in amusement.

"Oh I'm fine," he chuckled, placing a kiss on her lips, "Congratulations," he said. Bailey had stopped crying and Ellis' cries had dulled to whimpers as they held their mom closer.

"Thank you," she grinned, kissing him again.

"Well," Amy said, finally composed, "I have somewhere to be so I'm gonna take one of these and send you those pictures," she told Derek deviously as she reached to pluck a cupcake out of the number.

"Hey!" Zola cried as Derek swatted her hand away, "Those are not yours," she told her aunt sternly.

"Those Mama's cupcakes," Bailey said from Meredith's hip.

"Cupcakes?" Meredith asked with a smirk.

"Zola and Bailey will bring you one and apologize in a few minutes," Derek told her.

Zola looked at her dad, "Why do I have to?" she asked as Amy huffed a laugh and walked away.

"Did you make these?" Meredith gasped with a laugh as she peered over the counter and Bailey wriggled out of her grasp.

"Yup," Bailey grinned, peering over the counter.

"Mmhmm," Derek smiled, rustling Bailey's hair, "We did."

"Just for you, Mama," Zola grinned, turning her head to look at her, "Cause you operated on one-hundred people and **all** of 'em got to go home, right Daddy?" she asked him.

"That's right," he nodded, smiling at Meredith proudly.

Meredith smiled widely, brushing her hair behind her ear, then hugging Ellis closer, "Thank you," she said softly, leaning over to kiss Zola's cheek and Bailey's head.

"Can we eat 'em now?" Bailey asked, smacking his hands on the counter.

"Yes we can," Derek nodded, letting Zola down, "Go climb up and you can pick one out," he told them, "Other way," he said, grabbing their shoulders and turning them away from the glass. They giggled and ran around their mom and then the counter and hurried up to their seats.

"Woah," Meredith said, glancing down at the floor, "What did daddy do?" she cooed to Ellis, kissing her head.

Derek rolled his eyes, "Daddy tripped over the silly stool and it hurt," he said with a laugh, "I'm gonna clean this up before someone cuts their feet," he said before turning to Zola and Bailey as they sat at the island, "You two stay right there until I'm done, ok?"

"Ok," Zola nodded firmly before turning her attention to her mom, "Cupcake?" she asked sweetly.

Meredith laughed and nodded, shifting Ellis on her hip, "Shove your sleeves up, " she told them, turning to grab plates as Derek grabbed the broom and began sweeping up the broken glass.

 _100 people have gone home to their families because of you.  
_ _Now here you are in your kitchen with your own crazy, sweet, dysfunctional family.  
_ _Ellis Grey better be rolling in her grave… or… gurgling in the scrub room sink._

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
\- I'm a sucker for some good real-life family scenes.**

 **Exams are officially out of the way which means so is my mini-hiatus, yay! I'm excited to be able to focus more on writing again. I've missed this MerDer family a lot.**

 **Thank you so much to those of you who have reviewed! I appreciate you SO much and I love hearing your thoughts on my stories!**

 _{Side Note: For anyone following Somewhere Only We Know, I'll be working on an update. It should be up within the week!}_

 **Happy Holidays :)**


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